mrkoot

so much on my mind right now. i feel actually quite pathetic. i wanna go out. i got no gas. i wanna stay in. i dont' want to deal with my family. not that there is any reason. i just don't want to. you know. i've got this girl on my mind 24/7. and i don't think she even notices me. it's getting to the point where i wanna go out and drink myself under the table so i don't hve to think about it anymore. i hate to drink thou. and i'll never smoke away my pain. ever. all i can think about doing is walking to regina and playing hackie sack by myself in the wal-mart lot again. it makes the most sense. i've always done it to make myself feel better. always. but i can't even tonight. maybe i'll read somehtin about the cacti i bought last night. maybe i can immerse myself in the natural world in my bedroom and maybe i'll rot and vanish just like i feel like i am doing. slowly. painfully. decending into nothingness. like a pebble dropped into the sea. you'll never see it again. not that you'd want to. not that you'd ever see a reason to. even after all i've done to make myself feel better over the last 3 months. nothing is working. i want to go swimming. maybe i'll drowned.