mrkillerchef

so im horribly confused...

today my girlfriend... my ex... i dont know what to call her. but she came by to drop off a couple things. she brought a check for rent, the shower curtain she took, and a hairbrush.... oh and "blankie" it was her blanket that i kinda took over because it was hers and cute and made me comfortable.

so she dropped it all off while i was at work, and i picked it up when i got home. funny thing is, i swear she sprayed her perfume that i love into the blanket. so im sitting here now, like a child, cuddling this blanket because it smells like her. on the verge of tears.

but all the while, she cant tell me whats going on in her head or her heart. she said a few days ago that she still loves me. but she cant talk to me, doesnt want to talk to me, and wants to be left alone for some unknown amount of time. so i have to sit by and hope she comes back.

today i was ready to call it quits, to say that if she cant make up her mind and decide if she wants to be with me again or not then ill make it for her and say that its over. it took alot of strength to be able to say it. and now im vulnerable again, praying that she comes back to me. willing to sit by forever and a day if it means having a shot of her coming back. i just dont know what to do. part of me wants to just call it over, move on, and find some other way to be happy. but part of me wants to wait for her, because she IS my happiness and id do anything to be with her again.

shes my soul mate, my one true love. shes the one for me. and i just dont know where any of this is going. i hate it

and on top of all this, her mom made me brownies. i dont want to lose her. her family loves me....fuck this all sucks