mrkillerchef

as good a place as any to start

technically im not single. technically im still in a relationship. but it doesnt feel like it. my girlfriend has moved out and back across state lines to her former home. we had a stupid little fight and she thretened to leave and i did a stupid mistake. i tried to make her see how serious i was about not wanting to lose her. so before she cam back upstairs from making a call, i had a knife in my hands. i dont know if i could have actually hurt myself or not. but i wanted to show her i was serious. stupid move. she ended up walking out for a minute and calling the cops. a few minutes later i went to go talk to her in her car and the cops came up. she started to cry and i was handcuffed and put into the back of a car. they wanted to know i wasnt threatening her and that i wasnt going to hurt myself. i was only detained a few hours and asked questions but by the time i got home she was gone and took everything.

she tells me she needs time to think. to see if she can be with me. i dont blame her. she is afraid she will walk in and ill be dead in a pool of my own blood. its a scary thought. but i was stupid for going that far. i just dont want to lose her. and now im afraid she wont come back. and that now that shes far away from me, that she will get comfortable without me and fall out of love with me.

she still loves me, i know that. she has told me that. but she needs time. so here i sit, alone, typing this. i doubt anyone will ever be interested enough to read this, but it feels good to atleast tell my story and not worry about judging eyes

thanks for reading, whoever you are