mrdaft

The days drift by in a slow haze. Never knowing what may come and what may have been. Sometimes it seems like it is all one big illusion. You cannot live in the past, nor can you look at the present for it never exists. There is only what has gone before and what shall come to you soon. I wake up many days, feeling and knowing a change is on the horizon. It scares me more than anything else. It is the one true fear that I cannot overcome. Barren moments leave me thinking of all that splendor in the garden of eden lost forever, only to be reclaimed when we take that journey. the path to the summit of it, passes through the mind never to hold back, only to move on. Time is bent and shaped to the way that we wish it to be. There is nothing left for one to hide if the truth cannot be shown as it is always how one may be percieved, and how their perceptions of others is formed. I am the asshole, and the sweetest guy. Like a mini-wheat...which side does one see? I can be strong and I can falter at the first moment something is said to me. I am feeling stupid these days, and every day that passes I feel a little more. I would think that dimensia is setting in, but I am way too young for that. I guess I know what that will feel like when it does set in. Four colour pages and panels have disillusioned my world. A cynic is not who I be, but who I am becoming. I am finding that my soul is slowly starting to lack the inhibition to stop that from overcoming me.

I recently did something that I feel bad for, but I still thrive on it. I took a moment and made a step to overcoming a pain, then I took a step back. Inure all the way I guess. Some would call it turtling, the whole action of having a carapace shall not do me any good.

Here? We all be confreres, and I have come to enjoy that, alas there comes a day when it too shall pass I guess. I wish to stay but circumstances tell me that it shall not be that way. Perhaps, that this is the final push forward to the next step. I do not wish to have a querulous depreciation of anyone anymore. Out out to the sub-rosa life that I have had, hellos to the redivivus. A tip of the hat to learning and adapting. Apparently, reading a few self-help books can help a little. I still don't trust anyone fully, nor should I. That is the main thing that I can say I truly learned in the past year. No one is ever to be fully trusted. Those that you trust shall be the first to stab and slice, those with fire and brimstone burning inside are most trustworthy as they have played their hands. You know their worst, and only better can come from them. This is the most auspicious thing to have learnt. Having become a voluptuary of things I have yet to have seen, I am growing more and more thankful everyday of learning. The brain and the mind is the sacrosanct device we own. This year for christmas I am giving myself the freedom of knowledge, and being able to learn more...perhaps then the stupidity of my own actions will be lessened. Perhaps, that will allow me to grow and be a better person....I can feel the change coming.