things i've learned in the past couple of weeks:
-if i'm not home, there's actually nobody to clean it. therefor, when you return to it after two weeks of fluctuating between work and party mode (both of which include copious amounts of cigarettes, coffee, and booze), it will be an utter disaster. i'm pretty sure, underneath all the strewn about clothes and trash, there is a body buried here somewhere. at least it smells like it is.
-men give the best blowjobs, and are overly enthusiastic about getting their faces fucked. and they're seriously easier to pick up at bars than chicks (who, incidentally, all have boyfriends). i don't even mind the stubble.
-when you put nearly $1500 into a new stereo system for your car, you can hear it clearly at least a mile away.
-i've always wanted to buy a WRX STi, but now i know i can depend on my friends to do it for me. $29k in the hole (just short of a soul) is what it takes to get a used one, apparently, but i'm settling for treating my friend to sushi and movies just for the chance to ride shotgun in that killer. and they're not dates, regardless of what the other - notably jealous - friends might insist.
-i can wakeboard - i just fall down a helluva lot first.
-if a girl asks for a double stuffing, she's not talking about oreos or christmas stockings.
-flirting with a girl who's sitting next to her boyfriend is only worth it if she laughs louder than you would have though humanly possible and her guy grabs selfishly at her hands. but man, she was cute.
-having your own home is seriously overrated, especially if your friends have a comfortable reclining chair, a swimming pool, and a party house big enough to double as a refugee camp.
-no matter how often you clean your white uniforms, they will always get dirty as soon as you put them on.
-racing a girl all night at speeds over 100mph will not get you her phone number, but it will, miraculously, get your co-pilot her number. and then it turns out she's a model. who knew?
-you can, in emergency situations, as a last resort, pee in a towel. or on a towel. if it was recently used at a beach, it will not smell.
-it's okay to sing along with the radio as long as your buddy does too.
-helping somebody "pack" before moving is surprisingly common. if you know what i'm sayin'.
-after adventure, work is infinitesimally more boring. expect to fall asleep frequently, even under the intense scrutiny of your superiors. reading books does not help. nor does showing up to work after a night of boozing and an hour's rest.
-when in doubt, that smell is south carolina itself, not your stewed bro slumped over in the passenger seat.
-it's hard to bathe when you're all over the place, but at least the ocean does some work.
-not calling your girlfriend every day pisses her off, and that makes her extremely unattractive, thereby making it less likely that i'll call her. it's a circle, but at least there's no ring involved.
-missing both lost and battlestar galactica is totally worth it as long as you can just download them later.
-iron man is an awesome movie.
-combs are useful.
-life doesn't suck so hard.
-if i'm not home, there's actually nobody to clean it. therefor, when you return to it after two weeks of fluctuating between work and party mode (both of which include copious amounts of cigarettes, coffee, and booze), it will be an utter disaster. i'm pretty sure, underneath all the strewn about clothes and trash, there is a body buried here somewhere. at least it smells like it is.
-men give the best blowjobs, and are overly enthusiastic about getting their faces fucked. and they're seriously easier to pick up at bars than chicks (who, incidentally, all have boyfriends). i don't even mind the stubble.
-when you put nearly $1500 into a new stereo system for your car, you can hear it clearly at least a mile away.
-i've always wanted to buy a WRX STi, but now i know i can depend on my friends to do it for me. $29k in the hole (just short of a soul) is what it takes to get a used one, apparently, but i'm settling for treating my friend to sushi and movies just for the chance to ride shotgun in that killer. and they're not dates, regardless of what the other - notably jealous - friends might insist.
-i can wakeboard - i just fall down a helluva lot first.
-if a girl asks for a double stuffing, she's not talking about oreos or christmas stockings.
-flirting with a girl who's sitting next to her boyfriend is only worth it if she laughs louder than you would have though humanly possible and her guy grabs selfishly at her hands. but man, she was cute.
-having your own home is seriously overrated, especially if your friends have a comfortable reclining chair, a swimming pool, and a party house big enough to double as a refugee camp.
-no matter how often you clean your white uniforms, they will always get dirty as soon as you put them on.
-racing a girl all night at speeds over 100mph will not get you her phone number, but it will, miraculously, get your co-pilot her number. and then it turns out she's a model. who knew?
-you can, in emergency situations, as a last resort, pee in a towel. or on a towel. if it was recently used at a beach, it will not smell.
-it's okay to sing along with the radio as long as your buddy does too.
-helping somebody "pack" before moving is surprisingly common. if you know what i'm sayin'.
-after adventure, work is infinitesimally more boring. expect to fall asleep frequently, even under the intense scrutiny of your superiors. reading books does not help. nor does showing up to work after a night of boozing and an hour's rest.
-when in doubt, that smell is south carolina itself, not your stewed bro slumped over in the passenger seat.
-it's hard to bathe when you're all over the place, but at least the ocean does some work.
-not calling your girlfriend every day pisses her off, and that makes her extremely unattractive, thereby making it less likely that i'll call her. it's a circle, but at least there's no ring involved.
-missing both lost and battlestar galactica is totally worth it as long as you can just download them later.
-iron man is an awesome movie.
-combs are useful.
-life doesn't suck so hard.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Ghey !
I suppose thats probably my fault too.