tomorrow it's back to work. and shit, it's not going to be fun. next weekend is a 3-dayer, though i do have to work labor day morning.



i sent a few drunken messages to an ex. the ex. she's responded, though i don't know if she's mad or what or what she's thinking. no concrete dialog has yet been established. why the fuck do i care? sometimes i tell myself i still need her. like she's some beautiful memory. but no, times were not always swell. i guess that's the point though, eh. last couple of times i've seen her, talked to her, we've expressed our feelings. both inebriated, caught in the throes of fornication, i don't know if there's any truth to it all. of course i'd like to think i'd rather be back together, but am i thinking that because there's fucking involved. i'm so tired of fucking. i just want to talk to her without having her roll over in the end. i give up.

got a new deck, got a new frisbee, got teased about being a hippy liberal from san francisco. hey, whatever man, i can't fucking hacky sack for shit.

got a 3.35 on the math exam i was sure i had flunked. and i'm pissed. my whole time here, i've never scored below a 3.26. here, this fucking liberal arts major who never studied math or physics or chemistry or nothing, has a 3.45 average in nuclear power school. i sleep in class. i copy the answers out of my notes for homework. i walk around like i'm still dazed and confused. i'm horrible socially. i'm a blooming alcoholic. and here i am, fucking succeeding. what the fuck? and it doesn't help that my parents call me up everyday, telling me how proud they are, how they brag about me to everyone, how i have so many great occupational opportunities when i get out. well shit, i don't want to hear about that! i want to go back to being a bum, sleeping on the beach everyday, no worries. or something. i don't want a normal life. fucking society or whatever makes me feel so trapped sometimes. just my luck that i joined the damn military! just, you know, stop being proud of me. or you can be proud, but keep it to yourself. just, you know, cool down.

thinking about picking up a pair of tapers (16ga and 14ga) and stretching my septum piercing back out. it's still open, thankfully. i'm technically not supposed to have body piercings, but it's already there, and it's not like i'll be wearing the fucking jewelry in uniform. ugh, i'm going to have to look up the regulations for this.

so whatever. that's me whining about what people would consider good news. fuck that shit.