I had to make a decision recently about entering a relationship with someone significantly younger than myself. So I wracked my brain to find out what I really thought about the matter. Knowing that I can convince myself that almost anything is ok, I have put my thoughts up here for your scrutiny. Your opinions please?
About Relationships
I believe that there is a special attraction that happens between man and woman (I don't know about gay people but I imagine its the same), which some people call a "click". This unique attraction is a feeling that you can identify as being really special like you are being drawn to the person, a sort of warm excited feeling, and, if you don't end up in bed after the first meeting, you certainly spend a lot of time thinking about the person you had the click with and you usually end up friends or more. These attractions are natural and I believe also spiritual. I think the two people involved have something to share. It has been my experience, and many others, that these clicks" are not age constrained. It has also been my experience to enter into friendships with these people. On two occasions these were sexual relationships. On numerous occasions I have denied the click due to age differences or clear incompatibility issues. I am still great friends with the two people who I had a relationship with. I do not see at all the ones where I denied the click. With the two people, Mel 21 and Miki 25, we became friends before anything happened. I personally don't like or believe in having casual sex. I prefer to enter into friendships with people I click with and see where it goes. I am human though and can get caught up in the lust thing. That's why I always put the breaks on when I meet someone young I click with. This is not that often, incidentally. Now I know there are numerous arguments as to why significant age differences are prohibitive. Here's mine as to why they shouldn't be, when done for the right reasons.
In 2005 almost 75% of all marriages are ending in divorce - FACT! That being the case our belief in the perfect relationship that lasts forever goes out the window and most of us end up at one time or another faced with the reality of finding "The One!", again!
What if society faced the reality that "life partner" is bullshit for most people and the one's lucky enough to find "the one" first time - Well how many happily married people do you know? The one's who do really make it, they seem to mainly have known their partner for a long time before they committed to each other and they nearly all really clicked when they first met. So now with the understanding that relationships aren't always meant to last forever and accepting that the click could be a natural and spiritual signal to connect for a loving relationship. What if we were all independent people that came together in love for friendship yet we all had our own lives? What if society was structured that way? So it was ok to be content with one's own life? Imagine, you meet at 22 he's 41, you fall madly in love and he dies at 65 leaving you at 46 yrs old. Yee ha! You have had 24 yrs of true love and you are now financially secure and young enough to meet someone else! 24 Years is a very long time! Longer than 75% of all marriages. If it goes bad leave. You are an independent person. What about eight relationships throughout your life, All ending amicably, all great friends till death. By the way, these relationships are sometimes loosely referred to as friendship. Real friendship lasts forever. Honesty, openness, and true loving is essential. That way you stay friends. If it feels right do it, but if it feels wrong, don't! Friendship requires knowing a person for who they are and accepting them. The life long friendships both male and female all seem to occur with a click. Although the one's that end, are usually through behavioural or communication issues. People can stop and start a relationship if it no longer feels right to them. Mutual respect and integrity is required for this. Society has already gone away from the traditional ideal of one singular life partner. It just has not admitted it!
Society, values, ideals, all change over time. What has always really counted though is the human conscience. It is not often one will go against a really strong gut feel. Regardless, the click is the king. My advice, for what it's worth - Deny inappropriate lust, let love flourish and live as god intended and enjoy what you truly desire. Freedom, Choice and above all Love! Oh and regarding sex - If it feels right then do it, but don't do it with anyone else concurrently without a mutual agreement between all parties. The age thing - ITS ABOUT THE CLICK! And, about love; when I was truly in love I didn't "Click" with anyone else like that, ever! Follow the signs along the road that you are given. Don't ask why, look for the reasons along the road and have faith in the journey. Accept the click as a sign to make friends and take it from there. Sex, make love first! And live your truth.
About Relationships
I believe that there is a special attraction that happens between man and woman (I don't know about gay people but I imagine its the same), which some people call a "click". This unique attraction is a feeling that you can identify as being really special like you are being drawn to the person, a sort of warm excited feeling, and, if you don't end up in bed after the first meeting, you certainly spend a lot of time thinking about the person you had the click with and you usually end up friends or more. These attractions are natural and I believe also spiritual. I think the two people involved have something to share. It has been my experience, and many others, that these clicks" are not age constrained. It has also been my experience to enter into friendships with these people. On two occasions these were sexual relationships. On numerous occasions I have denied the click due to age differences or clear incompatibility issues. I am still great friends with the two people who I had a relationship with. I do not see at all the ones where I denied the click. With the two people, Mel 21 and Miki 25, we became friends before anything happened. I personally don't like or believe in having casual sex. I prefer to enter into friendships with people I click with and see where it goes. I am human though and can get caught up in the lust thing. That's why I always put the breaks on when I meet someone young I click with. This is not that often, incidentally. Now I know there are numerous arguments as to why significant age differences are prohibitive. Here's mine as to why they shouldn't be, when done for the right reasons.
In 2005 almost 75% of all marriages are ending in divorce - FACT! That being the case our belief in the perfect relationship that lasts forever goes out the window and most of us end up at one time or another faced with the reality of finding "The One!", again!
What if society faced the reality that "life partner" is bullshit for most people and the one's lucky enough to find "the one" first time - Well how many happily married people do you know? The one's who do really make it, they seem to mainly have known their partner for a long time before they committed to each other and they nearly all really clicked when they first met. So now with the understanding that relationships aren't always meant to last forever and accepting that the click could be a natural and spiritual signal to connect for a loving relationship. What if we were all independent people that came together in love for friendship yet we all had our own lives? What if society was structured that way? So it was ok to be content with one's own life? Imagine, you meet at 22 he's 41, you fall madly in love and he dies at 65 leaving you at 46 yrs old. Yee ha! You have had 24 yrs of true love and you are now financially secure and young enough to meet someone else! 24 Years is a very long time! Longer than 75% of all marriages. If it goes bad leave. You are an independent person. What about eight relationships throughout your life, All ending amicably, all great friends till death. By the way, these relationships are sometimes loosely referred to as friendship. Real friendship lasts forever. Honesty, openness, and true loving is essential. That way you stay friends. If it feels right do it, but if it feels wrong, don't! Friendship requires knowing a person for who they are and accepting them. The life long friendships both male and female all seem to occur with a click. Although the one's that end, are usually through behavioural or communication issues. People can stop and start a relationship if it no longer feels right to them. Mutual respect and integrity is required for this. Society has already gone away from the traditional ideal of one singular life partner. It just has not admitted it!
Society, values, ideals, all change over time. What has always really counted though is the human conscience. It is not often one will go against a really strong gut feel. Regardless, the click is the king. My advice, for what it's worth - Deny inappropriate lust, let love flourish and live as god intended and enjoy what you truly desire. Freedom, Choice and above all Love! Oh and regarding sex - If it feels right then do it, but don't do it with anyone else concurrently without a mutual agreement between all parties. The age thing - ITS ABOUT THE CLICK! And, about love; when I was truly in love I didn't "Click" with anyone else like that, ever! Follow the signs along the road that you are given. Don't ask why, look for the reasons along the road and have faith in the journey. Accept the click as a sign to make friends and take it from there. Sex, make love first! And live your truth.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
but if you can find a 20 something who wants a father figure (instead of a partner to go through life's stages with) great. i've never seen this work out in real life. i personally was happy to discover a few grey hairs on my parter the day i discovered a few on me.
i don't think of true love as having anything to do with the "click" feeling anyway. to me, that's just a spark. can burn out quickly. it happens all the time.