Monday Nov 07, 2005

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About 2 hours after I left the doctor, I realized something. People were treating me differently. Holding doors open and just being nice in general. You know like when you walk into a store and the person in front of you just keeps walking. They never look to see if the door is going to slam in your face. Personally, I always look over my shoulder. I would hate to let a door slam in some old lady's face and have her fall on the ground bleeding. Mostly because then I would have to try and contain my laughter.

My little gears in my head started grinding. The only thing that changed in 4 hours was the fact I had my arm in a sling. Now if you think about that for a minute you might come to the conclusion that I had broken bones. OR you might realize that means that other peoplereally do watch and let doors slam just to be assholes. I wanted to see how far this sympathy shit would extend.

There are some things strangers will never say to one another but it is on their minds. If you know a person however they have no issue calling you out on it. Showering is one of those things.

I decided to see how long I could go without showering before someone would say something. I figured I would be bale to hold out and go through with it. I chickened out on day 7. I just felt filthy. None of my coworkers said anything though.

You know what this journal entry needs? Song Lyrics!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I'm lost, I'm lost, isolated,
I'm drifting, I'm sifting through the sand
of my motherland now I pay the cost
Exposed to the rays of the heat
that are burning down my back
I'm crawling, then falling on my knees
but no-one hears my pleas.
I lie with the demons coming outta the sandstone,
vultures strip my bones and now I'm conscious
but yet I'm all alone
and all the shit I've been fearing is now appearing
Yes the air is screaming
but I'm not dreaming, no.

Not dreaming now. No dreaming now.

And after torniquet tightens on vein
then I begin again.
Retinas burn from the glare on the wing of a plane
Now without thinking I respond,
first comes to seal the bond
with myself and then further beyond.
The air, dry, breeds clear thoughts, a level head.
I'll be no use to my loved ones when I'm dead
so I pass the time learning, planning, assimilating
till I excel and I can tell
that these mountains are not a cage but a gauge
of all the unseen majesty
they will always be part of me.
And though I trusted and was lied to by my own
I bear no grudge and I carry no millstone.

No, I carry nothing.

Fucked over in a small pressurized cabin,
a wound is a safe place to crawl.
A warm place, would I throw it all away?
End it all? The pain is so reliable.
What do I remember? Old words.
I learn new words, absorb, explore.
Fall down in the dust
and smell the rain, metallic.

When I fall I will stand up again,
stubborn boy,
disease passes through me like spirits.
When I break I will heal
and when I fall I will stand up again.

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
melika:
do they get a strike when they do?
or at least a spare?
melika:
oooh, i LOVE beernuts! i eat all the ones with the skins first. yummy and salty!!!

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