mr_demille

So much of the yummy stuff in the world. So much of tha' hot. Keep on exploring! Good 'report...' nice reflection.

Re: Your Response:

Oh goodness. Firstly noyou are certainly no 2nd stage sideshowthe words, my words and musings, I guess thats what Id meant was circus-like. Creating ornate contraptions and Lego sets with lots of text, with all my musing and little to no action. Thats what I meant.

You? Freakish? Hardly. Beat, though, in my eyes. Beatnik blood. Sometimes people called the Beats freaks. Labels just plain suck sometimes.

Advocating devilish thought Its just fine. It stimulates thought. Foul mood, eh? I hope some illumination comes as time progressesthat this can be freed up. One always hopes those kinds of things can be temporaryor at least I do? Its okay. Even if you were in a good mood, you could still share those kinds of things, frankly. Dont have to qualify that.

Your feedback is important. To me. No grains of salt in them. Grains of truth? Yes. I see benevolence in them.

Ah hellreduction curechanging of habits. Well, that ideas a good one. I had a nebulous plan Id just stop someday. That idea was practical

Pure authenticity? Its a goal, I suppose. In my estimation. We are always conflicted and hypocritical on some level, yeah. But I guess my idea of being authentic is sharing as much truth as you know in the moment, whether you reveal that to yourself or to others. There are no angels and saints walking around here, I know this, Darlin.

Ill see about that Tennessee Williams piece.

Well, humans kind of groove on importunity it seems. Asking asking asking for this, that, needing the I wants to be checked off. It seems that way. Even if its not conscious. Lots of people enjoy being miserabletelling themselves they dont. At least I have been told before, If you really didnt enjoy it you would change itfind a way to change it regarding various things or ideas. Maybe that is too short sighted.

Thats the point exactly. Getting everything we want we realize some of it is faux happinessthat we didnt want this or that all along, and then we go out and carve new desires. I think I agree therewe are desire-driven kids.

Mkay. Im listeningalthough a pimp slap might not be such a bad thingit would depend on where the slap was directedhow oftenhow vehementlyhowwhat was I typing?

Why trite, B? Why not honest. Why not refreshingly frank? How might the mood go un-foul? Would you like it to? Would that I could if I could do it for myself, at any point in time, sure then, for you, and that one there, and that one, over thereetc. You use that phrase sometimes and it always makes me wish for something better for you. Sometimes though, these things serve a purpose. And we just sit with them and get through them. I always appreciate the humor and (amazing!) lightness you exude through it all. You do see this too, yeah?

As for bitter, sweetI agree with you. I had a yummy drink last night. Suggest something, I said to the delicious Bostonian barboy. He offered to create a drink on the spot. Asked, do you like this thing, or taste? This kind of feeling, that? all I asked for was sweetness. Fruit? says he. Okay.

He made this lab-green concoction. I sipped. Actually, he wound up throwing in quite a bit of sour, and I still thought it was delicious. As is par for the course for me, I gulped it down, savored the taste, and then told him whythat it has a completely delicious mix of the bitter and the sweetand that it was unexpected, a lovely surprise.

oops--so used to flipping around photos all day i didn't upload it emoticon style.


in joy.

sj

[Edited on Apr 22, 2004 11:13PM]

I would love to go, but of course I have to work tomorrow!

Glad to hear you are feeling better and able to take good care of yourself, Precious Thing.

You are (very) welcome.

I got a lot out of that quotation (making up my own sense about it...). Open books are valuable like that.

I've tried a few aloe jells emm em they are awesome in deed
thanx

Mr_Demille please be most assured you ARE a positive influence. Not knowing you all too well I already know your POSITIVE energy is the only thing that 'spreads around;' ("Let's go here!" he says. "This is great, this is beautiful!!," he says. "You should check this out!" "*You, this, that, she is beautiful!" he says.) And on and on like this.

I imagine you inspired someone, even as you were seeking your own inspiration in moments. I don't think that the idea's a typical one. Or that "rejection" is involved from the little I know of this. There is so much to like in the world, I'm sure that's what your connection represented. Skin on skin is like an elegant handshake. Greeting. Party! Vacation spot.

I don't think the girl feels rejected, in my opinion. She is probably just withdrawing. The word "withdraw" is an interesting one. You can "withdraw" toward, or away from something. Withdrawing from society, withdrawing to warm arms, and a warm smile. Where is the mystery or "hurt" in this?

I imagine that girl has a little bit of sufi in her. Maybe just unexpected emotions show up. They do that sometimes. It doesn't sound uncool in my estimation. You probably both sought and got what you wanted: warmth! Cold day, rainy (which is beautiful!) you find a lovely restaurant where the music's great and they have fantastic heaters! You sit there for a while. God this food's pretty good. Nice I can see the view and get a little warm. Then, leaving, you reflect on it. "I liked that meal..." I'll have to do that a little more often. Little spring in your step, maybe, as you walk by there. Where is the 'hurt' in that? How can you "love" someone in such a brief span of time? History must be shared, time must be invested (most usually).

You can't help it if you're a lightbringer and a dear soul. You cannot, by definition, control the feelings of another!

From what I know of a bit of offline backstory, it sounds like that girl rhapsodizes people, places and things. Waxes beatific on them. Maybe she is just withdrawing now because of making a different choice. If you both went in with honesty and that has been the through line, I don't think there is any burden or "ouch" about it. Maybe just savor the fruit of the goodness of it, as you can. That is probably what she is doing! You're a beat poet, with flavor! Maybe it was just an experience thing! Maybe the experience chanced the trajectory of her ideas, like seeing a really excellent film. Think on it like that. "s.o.c.k.s."

im down in san diego as often as i can go. not that much i have a job here in ventura and im always filming or editing something or another, but i go to visit the girls all the time....

re: to your response
tina turner..he...he..he.. that's funny

Hi. Yay another San Diegan friend!

Yes, Call Me Alice is the name of my band. We will be playing San Diego again soon (probably in June) We are finishing up recording. You can check it out at the CMA Website

P.S - I used to live in Honolulu too when I was a kid I was born there.

"Flaccid ego..." yeah, I just realized I stole that from a Siouxsie and the Banshees song.

And if x marks the spot I'll make mine a Maker's Mark Manhattan.