I flew back from Florida yesterday, wednesday, morning/afternoon. Things were not working out and they had me waking up at 5 am, working with one other person, and working 15-18 hour days. There was so much going on that I had not been told, which made the decision easier to come home. They really screwed me over, and I even had to pay my own ticket back home, even though they said they would before I went. I'll be lucky if I get paid for my time, even.
I'm heading down to Chicago again tomorrow afternoon til sunday evening. We (Brendon and I) had been on the topic of drinking, and it got to drugs, and tomorrow might be me looking around town for some pot, or acid, perhaps, before I leave. I don't do pot and haven't done anything else, though I'd like to try because I like to try things of all kinds, like take a risky job in Florida, waste peoples time and money, get fucked up the ass repeatedly, and come home, luckily my tail not between my legs.
So if anyone in this area can help me out, you know..do so.
I'm very wary about it, though, and so only if I feel comfortable enough, I'll do it. There is no pressure. I'm a drinker, really, so would it even be worth my time. I'll see.
Florida has exhausted me and all I feel to do is bitch about it. I felt so lonely and so utterly depressed. I called my parents sobbing for a few nights in a row because they (new bosses) weren't doing what they said, left out details, and had other plans for me in mind. I called some other people but no one answered. Brendon called me back a few times and we had great conversations which is why I made it as far as I did, with the encouragement. I'm proud I made it as far as I did. I also wrote a few long ass emails (I don't think I've written emails that long in a long time!), and Brendon and Laura, my dear cousin, wrote me back with updates and more encouragement to go another day.
I spent the rest of the time sad, thinking that I was losing other people back here, and I think it's slowly starting to happen as much as I hate to admit it. Such big and 'traumatic' (if I may) experiences rarely happen, and when they do, I need reassurement that I haven't been pushed out of friends and family members minds, and it felt that I had been. Since I had time to think, and perhaps the distance was there, it became, painstakingly, acceptable.
Even now, I'm left wondering, and worrying, and sad about this, because I'm not sure what I did wrong.
I think I might need to close myself off to people again. It's too easy for someone to just waltz into my world, and I look for friendship in everyone. Being open is good for me, but when it backlashes like this and leaves me feeling alone and abandoned, I question if I've made the right choices in the recent past.
I miss people, and I suppose it's not my fault, nonetheless, there's guilt and me wondering what happened.
I spent 6 days in Florida and got 30-35 hours of sleep total. I've been sleeping all last night, and took many long naps today, and even though it's early (11 pm) I'm ready to hit the sack, although I just woke up an hour or two ago.
The sea salt is working on the big red bump right above my nostril piercing, and it's slowly starting to go away. I really need more, though, because twice a day for one week might not be enough for it. I had that irritation for a month, about, and it never went away no matter what I used. Before I left, my father went to the place I got pierced and got me a bag of sea salt, which looked like a small bag of coke.. Hah. I had it in my carry-on luggage that they rummaged through on the way there, I'm surprised they didn't see it and assume it was something illegeal..
I go back to my old job on the 24th, where I'll get my old spot back, along with my poor pay; basically, we're going to pretend this Florida thing never happened. On wednesday, I'll be heading up north to join my entire mothers side of the family until saturday, so I have alot of free time to clear my mind, tidy myself up, and take a weekend trip to Chicago.
I'll be back sunday night, so I'll need to figure out what to do until the Static-X concert tuesday night I'm hoping I can get to.. I suppose I'll find something productive. I'll be home alone for a few days and bored out of my mind.
I baked lemon poppy seed bread today! With a lemon glaze! Thanks for Betty Crocker. I won't starve! I like being able to make stuff, even if it's all already in a box and just needs eggs, flour, water, and oil.. I'll wait awhile before I try to make something from scratch.. 
It's been awhile since I wrote a decent sized update, and gosh it feels good to get it out.
I always say I'll post pictures, and when I find that damn digital camera, I will be sure to.
I'm heading down to Chicago again tomorrow afternoon til sunday evening. We (Brendon and I) had been on the topic of drinking, and it got to drugs, and tomorrow might be me looking around town for some pot, or acid, perhaps, before I leave. I don't do pot and haven't done anything else, though I'd like to try because I like to try things of all kinds, like take a risky job in Florida, waste peoples time and money, get fucked up the ass repeatedly, and come home, luckily my tail not between my legs.
So if anyone in this area can help me out, you know..do so.
I'm very wary about it, though, and so only if I feel comfortable enough, I'll do it. There is no pressure. I'm a drinker, really, so would it even be worth my time. I'll see.
Florida has exhausted me and all I feel to do is bitch about it. I felt so lonely and so utterly depressed. I called my parents sobbing for a few nights in a row because they (new bosses) weren't doing what they said, left out details, and had other plans for me in mind. I called some other people but no one answered. Brendon called me back a few times and we had great conversations which is why I made it as far as I did, with the encouragement. I'm proud I made it as far as I did. I also wrote a few long ass emails (I don't think I've written emails that long in a long time!), and Brendon and Laura, my dear cousin, wrote me back with updates and more encouragement to go another day.
I spent the rest of the time sad, thinking that I was losing other people back here, and I think it's slowly starting to happen as much as I hate to admit it. Such big and 'traumatic' (if I may) experiences rarely happen, and when they do, I need reassurement that I haven't been pushed out of friends and family members minds, and it felt that I had been. Since I had time to think, and perhaps the distance was there, it became, painstakingly, acceptable.
Even now, I'm left wondering, and worrying, and sad about this, because I'm not sure what I did wrong.
I think I might need to close myself off to people again. It's too easy for someone to just waltz into my world, and I look for friendship in everyone. Being open is good for me, but when it backlashes like this and leaves me feeling alone and abandoned, I question if I've made the right choices in the recent past.
I miss people, and I suppose it's not my fault, nonetheless, there's guilt and me wondering what happened.
I spent 6 days in Florida and got 30-35 hours of sleep total. I've been sleeping all last night, and took many long naps today, and even though it's early (11 pm) I'm ready to hit the sack, although I just woke up an hour or two ago.
The sea salt is working on the big red bump right above my nostril piercing, and it's slowly starting to go away. I really need more, though, because twice a day for one week might not be enough for it. I had that irritation for a month, about, and it never went away no matter what I used. Before I left, my father went to the place I got pierced and got me a bag of sea salt, which looked like a small bag of coke.. Hah. I had it in my carry-on luggage that they rummaged through on the way there, I'm surprised they didn't see it and assume it was something illegeal..
I go back to my old job on the 24th, where I'll get my old spot back, along with my poor pay; basically, we're going to pretend this Florida thing never happened. On wednesday, I'll be heading up north to join my entire mothers side of the family until saturday, so I have alot of free time to clear my mind, tidy myself up, and take a weekend trip to Chicago.
I'll be back sunday night, so I'll need to figure out what to do until the Static-X concert tuesday night I'm hoping I can get to.. I suppose I'll find something productive. I'll be home alone for a few days and bored out of my mind.
I baked lemon poppy seed bread today! With a lemon glaze! Thanks for Betty Crocker.
I won't starve! I like being able to make stuff, even if it's all already in a box and just needs eggs, flour, water, and oil.. I'll wait awhile before I try to make something from scratch..
It's been awhile since I wrote a decent sized update, and gosh it feels good to get it out.
I always say I'll post pictures, and when I find that damn digital camera, I will be sure to. VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
And again, see? I didn't forget about you.
-Josh
Man, I was on my way to see Devil's Rejects when I crashed. I was really looking forward to it and wanted to go to the first possible showing. That worked well.