I had hoped the stress would go away soon and that I'd feel that I had enough time to write a decent entry. Funny how I'm actually around here many, many times, and for long periods as well, but I always feel so rushed so I never write anything. I think I should try to reverse that, spend time here again everyday, writing more, and maybe I won't actually feel that stressed because I'd be writing it all out again. I'm a writer, why am I not doing that. 
Instead, I feel the downer coming on again, and these past few days have been pure hell. First was feeling so sick, as previously mentioned. Then friday, the horny part kicked in. Ugh, fucking terrible timing: At work, that andrew guy that asked me out in march asked me if I wanted to play softball with him on sunday (today). "We need more girls on the team". The way he said 'girls' made me shiver in utter disgust (because I was trying to adjust to the temporary physical change, I ultimately felt really wierd about myself, adding to my weekend stress and such). He hangs out with dan, the sex offender I work with, and both are just..way too wierd towards me. I'm really uncomfortable about going into work nowdays..
This also worries my mother. She'd like me to learn self-defense, and talk to my boss if anything should EVER happen, like a pat on the back from either. I told her, should either come within 3 feet of me, into my personal space, I will go say something.
Saturday morning, in my dream, Neil got lucky with me and then I woke up a raging hornball and suffered at work all 8.5 hours with men. everywhere. Around 2, I saw the first female co-worker enter the building.
By saturday night, I was in terrible condition. Plus I was also supposed to go out bowling, where much fun was had, as was me giving people 5 second long lap dances, even though I suck at those. And in return, grinding with various members of the same sex. Go me. Unfortunately, me being hornier than a goat and having no way to relieve myself of it makes me really, really cranky and pissed off and far too stressed. No, masturbation does not help/change that at all. 
It gets worse each month, too. Yay for one year of abstinence, I guess. So my three-day 'Fuck what I think all the other days, I need to get laid soon, like, NOW, conversation with self is OVER' is finally ending tonight.
Today, I was the only woman at work all day, again.
I was so cranky, I told my boss no when he told me to do something. Which I guess I'm proud of, even though it was to just do another part of the vehicle. Just, no.
I forgot to mention that last wednesday, I was offered a full time job for summer, my boss is holding a spot open for me. I must decide soon. Of course I'm taking advantage of my ass being kissed in the meantime. I was thinking maybe for the first half of summer. Lately, I've been considering quitting and get out of here. My depression is starting to manifest terribly, including when I think of staying around town alot more often. I'd like to move out, if only for a few weeks, somewhere. I'm willing to take up residence in a cardboard box outside of someones house if I can use the shower once a week. Until I make a decision, I'm going to be feeling this way, I think. I'm so indecisive, though.
I went to the Garbage concert last thursday night. Remembered why I'm not really a fan. They're not heavy enough for me, despite the fact I listen to many kinds of music; I just didn't enjoy it. I looked at my watch every 5 minutes, sometimes 4, waiting for it to be over. I spent 3 hours balancing on a 5 inch triangle piece of brick to see over everyones heads, as well. I wish I would have taken pictures before I left, because the ones I do have, I look like tired shit afterwards.
I know I look like I'm retarded. I was thinking so slowly, and at that moment, I had no clue what was going on. 'Whaaaat?'
Do I fucking look like I want to go play motherfucking softball? Fuck.
A five minute attempt to get up to go take my hair down, despite the fact it had already sort of moved down an inch or two. Note to self: Hair bands are elastic for a purpose. And yes, my back is bad.
And of course the self-portrait in the mirror that looks covered in jizz (not). Looks clean, actually, but it also looks like I have a piercing below my lip.
After the braids have been taken out, about 30 minutes later. I'm missing chunks of hair from being tangled in the rubber bands and being in knots and stuck in my fingers, but you can't see. I honestly like my hair when it looks crimped.
The after-afro. My hair is down, and combed through, and still manages to poof out. It looked like a mushroom around my head before being combed.
I shivered all night at the concert, too, and no one bothered to offer me their coat. Bastards.
So, it's just after midnight.. That IM from last week still has me really down, too. But it's late and I'm getting all contemplative; thinking is the devil. Turns me emo: no thinking = no emo. I know there was something else I wanted to mention in here. Damn forgetfulness. I also like how I can take two hours typing this and make it sound so happy for you. You don't notice the mope. Mope. Mope.
I'm about to throw out my back and gain a kink in the neck for a few days unless I move my ass. Plus I broke a nail today, and chewed off the skin on my thumb. A good thing: new Family Guy finally returned to tv tonight. Freakin' sweet. I need to go buy the dvds from previous seasons.
Instead, I feel the downer coming on again, and these past few days have been pure hell. First was feeling so sick, as previously mentioned. Then friday, the horny part kicked in. Ugh, fucking terrible timing: At work, that andrew guy that asked me out in march asked me if I wanted to play softball with him on sunday (today). "We need more girls on the team". The way he said 'girls' made me shiver in utter disgust (because I was trying to adjust to the temporary physical change, I ultimately felt really wierd about myself, adding to my weekend stress and such). He hangs out with dan, the sex offender I work with, and both are just..way too wierd towards me. I'm really uncomfortable about going into work nowdays..
This also worries my mother. She'd like me to learn self-defense, and talk to my boss if anything should EVER happen, like a pat on the back from either. I told her, should either come within 3 feet of me, into my personal space, I will go say something.
Saturday morning, in my dream, Neil got lucky with me and then I woke up a raging hornball and suffered at work all 8.5 hours with men. everywhere. Around 2, I saw the first female co-worker enter the building.
By saturday night, I was in terrible condition. Plus I was also supposed to go out bowling, where much fun was had, as was me giving people 5 second long lap dances, even though I suck at those. And in return, grinding with various members of the same sex. Go me. Unfortunately, me being hornier than a goat and having no way to relieve myself of it makes me really, really cranky and pissed off and far too stressed. No, masturbation does not help/change that at all. It gets worse each month, too. Yay for one year of abstinence, I guess. So my three-day 'Fuck what I think all the other days, I need to get laid soon, like, NOW, conversation with self is OVER' is finally ending tonight.
Today, I was the only woman at work all day, again.
I was so cranky, I told my boss no when he told me to do something. Which I guess I'm proud of, even though it was to just do another part of the vehicle. Just, no.
I forgot to mention that last wednesday, I was offered a full time job for summer, my boss is holding a spot open for me. I must decide soon. Of course I'm taking advantage of my ass being kissed in the meantime. I was thinking maybe for the first half of summer. Lately, I've been considering quitting and get out of here. My depression is starting to manifest terribly, including when I think of staying around town alot more often. I'd like to move out, if only for a few weeks, somewhere. I'm willing to take up residence in a cardboard box outside of someones house if I can use the shower once a week. Until I make a decision, I'm going to be feeling this way, I think. I'm so indecisive, though.
I went to the Garbage concert last thursday night. Remembered why I'm not really a fan. They're not heavy enough for me, despite the fact I listen to many kinds of music; I just didn't enjoy it. I looked at my watch every 5 minutes, sometimes 4, waiting for it to be over. I spent 3 hours balancing on a 5 inch triangle piece of brick to see over everyones heads, as well. I wish I would have taken pictures before I left, because the ones I do have, I look like tired shit afterwards.
I know I look like I'm retarded. I was thinking so slowly, and at that moment, I had no clue what was going on. 'Whaaaat?'
Do I fucking look like I want to go play motherfucking softball? Fuck.
A five minute attempt to get up to go take my hair down, despite the fact it had already sort of moved down an inch or two. Note to self: Hair bands are elastic for a purpose. And yes, my back is bad.
And of course the self-portrait in the mirror that looks covered in jizz (not). Looks clean, actually, but it also looks like I have a piercing below my lip.
After the braids have been taken out, about 30 minutes later. I'm missing chunks of hair from being tangled in the rubber bands and being in knots and stuck in my fingers, but you can't see. I honestly like my hair when it looks crimped.
The after-afro. My hair is down, and combed through, and still manages to poof out. It looked like a mushroom around my head before being combed.
I shivered all night at the concert, too, and no one bothered to offer me their coat. Bastards.
So, it's just after midnight.. That IM from last week still has me really down, too. But it's late and I'm getting all contemplative; thinking is the devil. Turns me emo: no thinking = no emo. I know there was something else I wanted to mention in here. Damn forgetfulness. I also like how I can take two hours typing this and make it sound so happy for you. You don't notice the mope. Mope. Mope.
I'm about to throw out my back and gain a kink in the neck for a few days unless I move my ass. Plus I broke a nail today, and chewed off the skin on my thumb. A good thing: new Family Guy finally returned to tv tonight. Freakin' sweet. I need to go buy the dvds from previous seasons.
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