moya

There's the most recent picture.. It says it's from the 7th, so I guess I uploaded it, then forgot to actually include it in my entry. There'll be tons o' things I'll forget tonight, too.

I didn't want tp update until I felt well enough to be able to respond to everyones comments in a joyful manner. I still don't, but this is to erase all doubt and worry anyone has that I didn't make it back in one piece. I returned sunday evening, and was in bed no more than an hour later, due to depression of having to come home, which turned into the fact I was home. I did a half hours worth of explaining/story-telling/whatever the fuck you call it, wandered about, and was actually reluctant to get on the computer. This big black box that slowly deteriorates my life, and my ass, no wonder there's nothing left of it. But, I came on for a short time; in that short time, I wondered why I bothered because it made me feel terrible. So I've more or less avoided the computer, been on a few times, but not as often as usual.

Madison was great. I'm glad I went. And I can't wait to go back, sometime very soon I hope. I wish I didn't work weekends anymore, I realized the important value of having those days off to have time to do things and have fun after a long week of various work and slavery. No wonder I'm always with a stick up my ass, I work so much and they don't give me much time off. Did you know it takes me less than a half tank of gas to get there and back? I didn't. It also takes an hour to get the fuck out of Milwaukee in friday afternoon traffic. Made it to Madison, got lost of course, but Neil managed to get my ass to where it needed to be. We got my shit to his place and got me settled in, and proceeded to amaze the crap out of me with that town.

Much fun was had each night/day, despite the fact he was still sick and I found out that my presence is actually not a magical healer. Didn't know that. Didn't know there weren't any hot males in the city, either.. Anyway, saturday night we went to the Madison SG Party, which ended up in hardcore porn being watched. Yay. Unfortunately, I turned into another shy little fucker. I should stop doing that, it's so..grr. But I did put alot of faces to names, and some people I still have no clue who they were..*scratches head* Name tags should have been mandatory to enter the place. Oh, well. It was fun.

I'm still feeling pretty down about being back here. I know whenever I leave a place after a vacation, I get depressed for at most a day, but it's almost wednesday and I still mope about. I should have stayed one more day, perhaps? Like I said, I also discovered how evil the computer is upon arriving back here, and when I first signed in that evening, a few fucked up things happened that made me say 'fuck it' to this box. There really is life outside this thing, unfortunately it's not here, and I'm not happy with being stuck on here. For real, I'm hating the computer. It's actually a cause of some of my stress, or so it seems. Not having internet connection when one can't even be choosy about it does wonders. I'm glad I had no option of computer access.

Work went by a tad bit fast today, and I'm looking forward to it tomorrow but not. I'm also not a fan of sleeping with my feet hanging off the bed, but I like being in my workpants, and I don't want to change them when I get home. Yay, I sleep in pools of chemical. I also realized this weekend how great it was to not breathe any sort of contamination in, even cigarette smoke. No breathing problems (that I was aware of), I did think some of my being happy was due to the clean air (I know, it's far from it, but considering where I've been everyday beforehand) and when I went into work today, I almost turned into a bitchy motherfucker because one small breathe of the acid reminded me of the clean air from the weekend I no longer have. I either need to quit my job for this summer, or I'd like to work only mondays, tuesdays, and wednesdays. I want my free time, damnit, I'm entitled to it. I figure if my boss isn't too happy for that, I'll quit. Plus there are so many things I want to achieve this summer that a job might interfere. Oh, and I'm considering not going back to school in the fall.

Which means the suffering I'm enduring right now is all for nothing. It still looks like I'm digging myself into holes. The wierd thing is, is I'm not angry at myself for wasting this 6 month stretch I'm in. I'm angry about it itself, but not the fact I'm done trying. Confused? It happens.

So, I'm tired, I have 100 pages to go in a book, I have to get up at 4 (I've done that for the previous 2 nights, and I actually like being up that early), I'll type a paper, blah blah blah. I really want to respond to comments but I think I'll hold that off for a bit, until this sour mood dissipates. If that's not within a few hours, screw that, and I'll say hello. Thanks to everyone who left me comments while away, and after I got back. I'm doing fine, I had a wonderful time. So, until later.

Edited immediately to add: Those who requested my friendship..leave a comment. Thank you.

Edited yet again to say: We did my taxes, and I owe something to someone.