My wandering mind has led me here to make my update for today.. I had an entry written, but it didn't seem to fit, so, I'll start over.
I planned on updating with the pictures I took today, but it would take too long to decide which ones to put up. They're mostly of the lake at sunset, and unfortunately, whereas the sun was in the west, the lake is to the east. But it was pretty, o so pretty.. Rare are the moments I can catch some peace with myself, but never for too long does it stay that way. Sitting on my car, I could not help but have a conversation with someone who was not there. I got a few funny looks from people walking by; I just pretended a certain someone was sitting next to me, looking out over the cliffs, into the lake, the horizon, the sky..
I worked all day, again, as we were busy as hell. I was glad to get out at 3, and drive home in the world. It's funny how when I couldn't feel more in love with life, that I think about dying with a smile on my face, and when I'm depressed as hell, I say 'fuck it' to even the thought of not being here. Perhaps I anticipate dying happy. Someday, I'll have that figured out.
A friend has me all riled up for fall already. I want summer to not even be here; let's skip from now until August. Actually, no, because the thought makes me want to leave this place and not come back, run, run, run away! Don't look back! I am full of contradictions that make so much (non)sense. To me, anyway.
Easter is coming up = I get to see my cousin Laura. I haven't seen her since Christmas.
We rarely talk anymore. I rarely talk to the people who mean the world to me anymore, and it's hurting. But what is one to do when the other is just about swept up in their own life, and a distance away that you just can't go to them? Or perhaps, in one case, you'd like it to be the other way around.. There's to wishful thinking.
I'll stop missing people soon, I swear, and I'll stop complaining about it. Everyone is atleast a half hour away, and never around. It seems I'm somehow missing out on something every other person has discovered.
I'm lonely, and I'm tired, and memories are making themselves to be sad burdens at this hour. And my paper needs to be written, it's due in 6 hours (I had 9 weeks). And my uterus is being quite a bitch. I need chocolate.
I planned on updating with the pictures I took today, but it would take too long to decide which ones to put up. They're mostly of the lake at sunset, and unfortunately, whereas the sun was in the west, the lake is to the east. But it was pretty, o so pretty.. Rare are the moments I can catch some peace with myself, but never for too long does it stay that way. Sitting on my car, I could not help but have a conversation with someone who was not there. I got a few funny looks from people walking by; I just pretended a certain someone was sitting next to me, looking out over the cliffs, into the lake, the horizon, the sky..
I worked all day, again, as we were busy as hell. I was glad to get out at 3, and drive home in the world. It's funny how when I couldn't feel more in love with life, that I think about dying with a smile on my face, and when I'm depressed as hell, I say 'fuck it' to even the thought of not being here. Perhaps I anticipate dying happy. Someday, I'll have that figured out.
A friend has me all riled up for fall already. I want summer to not even be here; let's skip from now until August. Actually, no, because the thought makes me want to leave this place and not come back, run, run, run away! Don't look back! I am full of contradictions that make so much (non)sense. To me, anyway.
Easter is coming up = I get to see my cousin Laura. I haven't seen her since Christmas.
We rarely talk anymore. I rarely talk to the people who mean the world to me anymore, and it's hurting. But what is one to do when the other is just about swept up in their own life, and a distance away that you just can't go to them? Or perhaps, in one case, you'd like it to be the other way around.. There's to wishful thinking.
I'll stop missing people soon, I swear, and I'll stop complaining about it. Everyone is atleast a half hour away, and never around. It seems I'm somehow missing out on something every other person has discovered.
I'm lonely, and I'm tired, and memories are making themselves to be sad burdens at this hour. And my paper needs to be written, it's due in 6 hours (I had 9 weeks). And my uterus is being quite a bitch. I need chocolate.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
SG is becoming more and more neglected by me... my obsession has moved elsewhere... I'll always be a member and such, but if you want to you can always IM me..
Don't stop missing people... don't do what I do... pretend that nothing is wrong; go into a state of emotional numbness... find new people!
Of all people, I know best that it's hard to do, but you should try.
Yeah, I'm doing all my journal entries in notepad from now on.