moya

It's been an awkward feeling day. I even offered to work tomorrow. So I am. It's supposed to snow. I felt money-hungry when the schedule was being passed about, so, my name went down.. Twelve to six. I used to do that, where I'd tell my boss I'd come in on some certain day, even though I knew it was supposed to snow, just so I'd look good. Maybe it's become so routine, now, that I don't bother to hesitate to think about it.

I'm happy again, but it's hard for everyone else, save one or two, to tell. People have asked me today if I was feeling okay. I'm fine, I'm content; I'm smiling my old smile inside. It just doesn't show at times. Times when I'm withdrawn, quiet, monotone, and I guess I appear to be sad and hopeless. It's more of solid ground, at those times, that I'm finally standing on. Seeing clearly. But I am honestly happier again. It irritates me when people ask the questions. Just be a goddamn friend and observe. Don't talk.

But we're all too busy for that. So, ask, and keep walking away. Don't watch my eyes fall to the floor where your feet were just at.

Solid ground. Pride. Internal freedom. And re-realization.

It's been a contemplative day. It's been a good day. This morning I decided it was time I stepped outside myself. So here I am, in a pure form.

Or corruptive. Either way, we ought to have a little fun, eh??

So, I'm going to keep knitting. I'm going to chop my fingernails off, and paint them black again, I miss the days when I displayed the color of my heart. The color that makes me love the perfect way I do.

I'm also not going to go to the doctors. And I need to find chocolate.

*Note: This was not directed towards anyone here. You're all just fine and dandy in my little book.