moya

I'm so tired from work . I came home, changed into dry clothes, ate, and went to bed . Just got up now.

Today is my grandmothers birthday, and she's somewhere in Arizona. I hope someone called her, because I feel really bad that we sent no card, no present, not anything. If my father didn't even call her, I'm going to be angry at him, and sad for her . Sure, she's um..a little on the not-so-bright side and talks to his brother, but that's no reason to ignore the poor woman on her one special day out of the year. My father excels at that, though.

My next day off won't be until next monday, but it's supposed to rain, so they won't bother asking me to come into work. It's supposed to rain/snow through all of next week, so perhaps then, I can go out and do whatever it is I needed to do today/during daylight hours. Which pisses me off, because if it's snowing, I'm not going to want to go out. So stop taking all my days off that are nice and giving me crappy days. I hate how they treat me, for being one of their best workers. "Do you think you can come in tomorrow? I know it's your day off, but I think we might really need you". The real funny thing is when they let people go home, because we're not so busy. And I'm not one of them. Flattering, but a major piss-off. No I will not wipe your ass.

My mood keeps swinging, but probably because I'm going to start to bleed like a motherfucking pig in a few days . It's been another month already ? I feel like I completely wasted the past 31 days. It's saddening to think about it. February is such a bad month for me, too. I'm fearing the days coming up.

I smacked my elbow so hard earlier, that I think I broke something. I can't bend it, nor straighten it out completely without craploads of pain shooting up and down my arm. The bottoms of my feet are so sore, I can't walk anymore and my mother needs to help me get a fricken glass of water from the kitchen. My wrists are killing me, and I was told it could be 'carpal tunnel' or something. I hear it's bad. Go see a doctor about it. Perhaps at work, I switch into a mode where I just keep going, and though hindering my movements, I try to ignore the pain, and keep going. I guess, if it takes my mind off the emotional stuff.

Supper was actually still cooking when I got home. Normally, my parents cook, eat, and discard the food before I come home, so I have nothing to eat. I finally had a plateful of food, of the same thing, but it's better than nothing.

Previously mentioned person has not been online in quite a few days, and I'm such a worrier, that I'm starting to worry. No doubt he's just really busy on a project (among other things ), so there's no need for it. Actually, there really is never a need for it anymore, it's no longer something that should be my concern. My problem is that I care too much about things, and it won't get me anything in return. Just this lovely hurt. Yay.

It seems to be give, give, give, and no take these days. It's exhausting me, and I'm sure, or I hope, many are seeing it, but perhaps it's just in my head that I'm ready to fall apart, if not mentally, then physically.

Oh, and the groundhog decided we should have 6 more weeks of winter. If he wasn't so darn cute, I'd assassinate that little rodent.