I don't technically have a 'nosebleed'; my fingernail was just too sharp 
.
My back hurts from work
. I never get backaches after 6 hours. Maybe after 5 days, going nonstop for 9.5 hours a day. But 1 day, after 6 hours, I think I'm turning wuss. 
My wrist hurts, too, like I've been giving hand jobs for the past two weeks. Non stop. Holding a gun trigger that sprays water as fast as a bullet (okay, not really, but it hurts like hell when the water hits you) for an occupation isn't really that fun at all 
.
So much to do.. Actually, no, but it feels like it. Read a book here, watch a movie there, write an essay for the fun of it (yes I'm a dork), blah. And go to work. Where is my social life..
That's right, it died. 
My sister cancelled on me tonight again.. I don't know what to say there about that anymore. Maybe next week. Also, no cat..no company for the lonely soul.
I've had a few feelings of almost..euphoria, today. Well, twice, a few seconds each. It sounds good, but as it's happened before, it's happening again, and it means I've been and am still regressing
. Know the Myth of Sisyphus? I'm him, and the rock is also me, and my world. Once I get near the top, it all falls on itself back down. And then I restart. I guess everytime it stops at the base of the mountain, it's maybe a foot closer to the top. Slow progression upward. I'm currently on my trek downwards, to try and push my load of me up again. Slow, painful process. And hey, I got the bruises and depression and exhaustion to prove it.
It's 9:27 in the PM. I'm ready for a nap
but I'm thinking I might not get up for a few more hours than normal.. The past two nights, I've sort of just went to bed in my clothes. Just so comfortable..and so lazy.
I'm unable to apply myself where it matters, except where there is no chance, yet it means the world to me anyway. The emotional strain it takes to sustain that is quite the bitch. Striving for both perfection and the impossible is what I'm best at continually failing at. Would that do good on a resume, do you think? Even though I do it, I don't like to set goals and hopes that I'll never reach. We don't even have chocolates or cookies so I can reward myself for not starting something stupid anymore.
I considered taking up something in writing, again. Except I'm a creative writer. What good would that do me? I'm not terribly bad at english, I'm quite the grammer freak (if I already know the rules.. your/you're, etc..
which are few) but I don't want to write ten pages of essay on some thing that interests me not, and site sources and blah blah blah. Why does college have to sound so sucky (and so very expensive). I'd like to continue putting it off forever and take the easy way out, please. Thank you.
Which reminds me, of something that just slipped my mind again. Must have been important.
Burning brightly inside, at the moment, is this huge amorphous hope, for who knows what, and pride for the love I hold for someone. This kind of uber-happy confuses me. It's like a foreign object. You can observe it until it goes away; until then, you get pissed of that you can't understand it. Stop, self, stop! I command you! *pulls hair out* Yes it drives me nuts. I just want the reason. NOW. Give meaning to all this madness!
Oh, and my debit card finally came, now I can buy things from the internet, because I got lost again on my way to the mall yesterday. Then while I was there, I bought nothing and got depressed I couldn't buy anything. Never go shopping alone. It's not fun.
Oh, it's February. Another bad month.
.
My back hurts from work
. I never get backaches after 6 hours. Maybe after 5 days, going nonstop for 9.5 hours a day. But 1 day, after 6 hours, I think I'm turning wuss. My wrist hurts, too, like I've been giving hand jobs for the past two weeks. Non stop. Holding a gun trigger that sprays water as fast as a bullet (okay, not really, but it hurts like hell when the water hits you) for an occupation isn't really that fun at all .
So much to do.. Actually, no, but it feels like it. Read a book here, watch a movie there, write an essay for the fun of it (yes I'm a dork), blah. And go to work. Where is my social life..
That's right, it died.
My sister cancelled on me tonight again.. I don't know what to say there about that anymore. Maybe next week. Also, no cat..no company for the lonely soul.
I've had a few feelings of almost..euphoria, today. Well, twice, a few seconds each. It sounds good, but as it's happened before, it's happening again, and it means I've been and am still regressing
. Know the Myth of Sisyphus? I'm him, and the rock is also me, and my world. Once I get near the top, it all falls on itself back down. And then I restart. I guess everytime it stops at the base of the mountain, it's maybe a foot closer to the top. Slow progression upward. I'm currently on my trek downwards, to try and push my load of me up again. Slow, painful process. And hey, I got the bruises and depression and exhaustion to prove it.
It's 9:27 in the PM. I'm ready for a nap
but I'm thinking I might not get up for a few more hours than normal.. The past two nights, I've sort of just went to bed in my clothes. Just so comfortable..and so lazy.
I'm unable to apply myself where it matters, except where there is no chance, yet it means the world to me anyway. The emotional strain it takes to sustain that is quite the bitch. Striving for both perfection and the impossible is what I'm best at continually failing at. Would that do good on a resume, do you think? Even though I do it, I don't like to set goals and hopes that I'll never reach. We don't even have chocolates or cookies so I can reward myself for not starting something stupid anymore.
I considered taking up something in writing, again. Except I'm a creative writer. What good would that do me? I'm not terribly bad at english, I'm quite the grammer freak (if I already know the rules.. your/you're, etc..
which are few) but I don't want to write ten pages of essay on some thing that interests me not, and site sources and blah blah blah. Why does college have to sound so sucky (and so very expensive). I'd like to continue putting it off forever and take the easy way out, please. Thank you.
Which reminds me, of something that just slipped my mind again. Must have been important.
Burning brightly inside, at the moment, is this huge amorphous hope, for who knows what, and pride for the love I hold for someone. This kind of uber-happy confuses me. It's like a foreign object. You can observe it until it goes away; until then, you get pissed of that you can't understand it. Stop, self, stop! I command you! *pulls hair out* Yes it drives me nuts. I just want the reason. NOW. Give meaning to all this madness!
Oh, and my debit card finally came, now I can buy things from the internet, because I got lost again on my way to the mall yesterday. Then while I was there, I bought nothing and got depressed I couldn't buy anything. Never go shopping alone. It's not fun.
Oh, it's February. Another bad month.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Yeah internet shopping!! I bought the wagamama cookbook last night in a fit of noodly craving
It feels like impulse shopping, but then there's that 4-6 week wait.
you can have my social life... it's destroying my liver anyway.
I reccomend it as well. Taoism is a good thing.
I always get depressed when I go shopping alone. There's no one too joke about over the tacky shirts or cute boys or how big of a dork you are for buying the dorky things you want. And you just see people who have someone like that and it makes you even sadder. And then you return home to complete solitude and it's not any better.