moya

My sister and her boyfriend just left. Apparently, tomorrow they're dropping off their 'kitten' so we can have it for a few days. To bring my mood up. So I can get attatched all over again like last time, and then have it taken away. The thing doesn't remember me anymore, so I doubt it'll be anywhere near me; I think I scare it. Maybe it's my hair . My sister was telling my mother and I about this rude, overweight, sloppy, lazy 55 year old she works with, who keeps hitting on her. It pisses her off, yes, and he's quite rude and suggestive. She got one of her rings re-sized or something or other so it fits on her left ring finger and he'll get the idea. I told her to send him my way.

Work was well. Very, very busy again and I'm sore and icky all over. My clothes are in a wet pile on the cold, concrete basement floor, waiting for their turn for the dryer. I hate doing wash.

I feel so unmotivated to do anything anymore. We took my blood pressure earlier, which came out to be 131 over 80. I'm just stressed. But it's another thing to look at when I go to the doctor. There are so many things on that list for him . I also get to go to my gyno later this week. I think I might be tempted to tell her to just..do something so I never get horny or anything again. I really do hate it, it's just not that noticable ever. I'd do much better without it. What a motherfucking burden/curse.

This summer, I decided, I'm going to be a nomad. I'm going to save up my money, and as soon as I am done (well, nearing completion) of hell, I'm going to quite work, and leave for a month or two. Anywhere. We've wanted to do it for years, my best friend and I. Although it looks like I'll be trekking out alone should I decide to leave. Then I'll really be alone. But the fact I'm doing what we had planned for years, or starting to get an idea of how it would work, I think would be so good for me. Maybe not all dreams are garbage.

Actually, they are, but eh. I need some justification for it, I guess, people these days are anal about that.

I woke up around 1:45 this morning and shivered for over an hour, trying to fall back asleep. You'd think with all the blankets I have, I'd be fine. I swear it was arctic weather inside my body, and inside my room. Perhaps that's another problem with me, my fucked up body temperatures. I know your body temp. is at it's lowest at about 2 am, but that is just terrible. Sometimes I wish my pillow emitted heat; I always hug it so much anyway. I should wash the pillow case. Snot and the such.

Savings is for school at anytime, should I decide to continue on at any point in my life. The checking account, for which my card has STILL not arrived, is for the spending I do manage to do. I have a feeling it will be used for gas and food. And the remains will be put back into savings. Growing up poor makes it hard to just..buy things alot, sometimes. Someone once broke up with, one reason being because I was too cheap for him. I'm sorry I don't know how to be spoiled. It feels awkward.

I'm slowly getting better. I smiled alot today, which is usual, but I managed to squeeze out a few laughs and snorts and giggles tonight, too. I told my mother I wasn't eating supper with her and my father and sister and her boyfriend because I feel like the fifth wheel with them now, or the one everyone jokes about, because there isn't anyone there to make me actually seem/look/sound decent infront of. She laughed and didn't believe me.

I'm depressed, please laugh and make it harder, my loving mother. We do share one thing: denial. And our oily skin. Damn acne.

I got a five for five-ninety-five meal deal at Arbys earlier, with large fries and a soda. There are two sandwiches left for lunch tomorrow. My fingernails are so dirty from the chemicals and dirt and mud and god knows what else. They're long, though. May I chew them off yet?