Sorry about springing that last entry on you all like a beaver trap. I just get into these ruts every so often that die away within a few days or so. Then I'm all better 
. But it happens and cannot be helped.
Today, a magazine came in the mail. Wisconsin Outdoors or something. My mother let me use her credit card, and I ordered it for my father as a christmas present. It came really late. Like, what the fuck Wisconsin? Anyway, I wrote a note saying, 'Merry late Christmas dad. 1 yr subscription. love, me'. I'm hoping it might break the ice a little. We haven't spoken to eachother since December 26th, when he yelled me out of the house (snuck back in around midnight). We haven't said anything to eachother unless it's absolutely necessary, which is extremely rare. I get my solid stubbornness from him, so neither of us will apologize to the other; we each think we're higher and mightier, so, we're not speaking up. I just laugh at this situation, I mean, come on. It's comical
. Though, we've all had a rough past year, our own different but gigantic issues we had to deal with on our own, and I don't think alienation from his youngest daughter is what he needs right now. But I refuse to say I was wrong, because I wasn't. 
I was very cocky today. I used to have a cocky issue last year, and then it disappeared when shit hit the fan in the personnal life. I'm glad to see it's returning, an old part of me that was awesome. Well, awesome for me, not always for the one who it's taken out on.
Ugh, may I say. The hair has started its regrowth, and thus, I've had my hands down my pants all day, scratching away. Not among other things
. I really should stop scratching, it looks so irritated. And itches even more.
I'm going to the Milwaukee Art Museum tomorrow afternoon. I cannot wait; I think it has become one of my most favorite places to be, despite the fact I've only been there once before on November 22. Back in November, this girl I was spending my time with, sort of grew on me, and by the end of the day, I had a little crush on her. When I got up and said I had to leave, we gave eachother one of those 'I'm-sad-you're-leaving-we-had-such-a-wonderful-time-together' looks, and I had hesitated for the smallest amount of time. I wish I would have asked her for her email or something. Sometimes, I still feel a little twinge inside, reminding me she still has a spot inside my heart. I wonder what she's doing right now.
In other news, some asswipe stole my photographs I developed in the darkroom yesterday.
In one hour, I made about five images, two or three copies each, for my photography project. At the end of the day, the photographs from the entire day are put out to dry. In the morning, they are gathered into a box, and throughout the day, you can go and pick up your photographs. Well, I got there and someone from the past five hours had stolen all of mine except two. Things like that make me cry. I almost did. And I want to, thinking about it right now. That is beyond rude to just steal something like that. The amount of paper I used totals up to about eight dollars. I can guarantee you that school is the number one reason why I have my depression and sadness. Things like that happen, and makes me remember I grew up long before my time. But the fact I'm forced to sit and do homework and projects with these people angers me so much. School shouldn't be like that. At all. It's so threatening to my mental health, and I can only take so much.
It took me an hour and a half to dry mount ONE photo, I was so upset. Some tell me I shouldn't take a hobby so seriously, but god, when it's one of the few things you have in life that makes you happy, and you plan on continuing on with it, what the fuck?
I didn't have to work because of the rain and fog. I want to go crawl in bed and mentally shoot the ones who stole those little pieces of me today.
My father just got home, I heard him pause to see the mail, and it's been about fifteen minutes since. He has not come this way. What the fuck?
Today is a what the fuck day.
Edited immediately to add he just came to the doorway, held up the paper, said thank you, and walked away.
. But it happens and cannot be helped.
Today, a magazine came in the mail. Wisconsin Outdoors or something. My mother let me use her credit card, and I ordered it for my father as a christmas present. It came really late. Like, what the fuck Wisconsin? Anyway, I wrote a note saying, 'Merry late Christmas dad. 1 yr subscription. love, me'. I'm hoping it might break the ice a little. We haven't spoken to eachother since December 26th, when he yelled me out of the house (snuck back in around midnight). We haven't said anything to eachother unless it's absolutely necessary, which is extremely rare. I get my solid stubbornness from him, so neither of us will apologize to the other; we each think we're higher and mightier, so, we're not speaking up. I just laugh at this situation, I mean, come on. It's comical
. Though, we've all had a rough past year, our own different but gigantic issues we had to deal with on our own, and I don't think alienation from his youngest daughter is what he needs right now. But I refuse to say I was wrong, because I wasn't.
I was very cocky today. I used to have a cocky issue last year, and then it disappeared when shit hit the fan in the personnal life. I'm glad to see it's returning, an old part of me that was awesome. Well, awesome for me, not always for the one who it's taken out on.
Ugh, may I say. The hair has started its regrowth, and thus, I've had my hands down my pants all day, scratching away. Not among other things
. I really should stop scratching, it looks so irritated. And itches even more.
I'm going to the Milwaukee Art Museum tomorrow afternoon. I cannot wait; I think it has become one of my most favorite places to be, despite the fact I've only been there once before on November 22. Back in November, this girl I was spending my time with, sort of grew on me, and by the end of the day, I had a little crush on her. When I got up and said I had to leave, we gave eachother one of those 'I'm-sad-you're-leaving-we-had-such-a-wonderful-time-together' looks, and I had hesitated for the smallest amount of time. I wish I would have asked her for her email or something. Sometimes, I still feel a little twinge inside, reminding me she still has a spot inside my heart.
I wonder what she's doing right now.
In other news, some asswipe stole my photographs I developed in the darkroom yesterday.
In one hour, I made about five images, two or three copies each, for my photography project. At the end of the day, the photographs from the entire day are put out to dry. In the morning, they are gathered into a box, and throughout the day, you can go and pick up your photographs. Well, I got there and someone from the past five hours had stolen all of mine except two. Things like that make me cry. I almost did. And I want to, thinking about it right now. That is beyond rude to just steal something like that. The amount of paper I used totals up to about eight dollars. I can guarantee you that school is the number one reason why I have my depression and sadness. Things like that happen, and makes me remember I grew up long before my time. But the fact I'm forced to sit and do homework and projects with these people angers me so much. School shouldn't be like that. At all. It's so threatening to my mental health, and I can only take so much.
It took me an hour and a half to dry mount ONE photo, I was so upset. Some tell me I shouldn't take a hobby so seriously, but god, when it's one of the few things you have in life that makes you happy, and you plan on continuing on with it, what the fuck?
I didn't have to work because of the rain and fog. I want to go crawl in bed and mentally shoot the ones who stole those little pieces of me today.
My father just got home, I heard him pause to see the mail, and it's been about fifteen minutes since. He has not come this way. What the fuck?
Today is a what the fuck day.
Edited immediately to add he just came to the doorway, held up the paper, said thank you, and walked away.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
Mother of God, no wonder you're so emotional. I think you'll see that life will improve for you a lot once you get out. I know it did for me.
And what the fuck is a hobby? There are things we do in life because we have to and then there's the stuff we do because we want to do them and those are the things that really count as far as i'm concerned. Hobby, pffft.
Good luck with all things dad related, your relationship with him reminds me of me and my mom. The stupid bitch, lol.
-Josh