My mom asked me about an online friend, how she was doing, if we still keep in touch.. I had been talking about taking the trains and buses all over the place. Buses into Canada, trains out of state. I wonder how I'd expain it if I went to another state? It's funny that she'd totally be up for my going to Canada for a few weeks whenever, but if I wanted to go to Illinois for a night, neither of us have an idea how I'd live, no doubt she'd be very suspicious.
I guess when an internet friend sticks by your side for six years of your life, that person becames very real to you and those close to you. I've never met this girl offline, but we bought webcams to see eachother, we've talked on the phone, my parents have waved to her how many times and her dad looks like a total hippie last time I saw him. I know how much my parents didn't trust the friendship at first, since we met in a dumb role-play chatroom..
Shut up.
I'd talk about this girl I met online whom I talk to all the time, blah blah blah.. The sort of thing parents wonder and worry about when they hear their 14 year old daughter talking about meeting up with an online friend.
I could take the train to her next week and they'd know I'm in safe hands. It's a great feeling to know I have that kind of bond with someone that not many others do. Next summer I'm going to buy a passport and I do hope to put it to good use.
He's going to be really sad when I leave. I'm going to be sad when I leave. I'm considering heading back to school on the 3rd or 4th. Maybe even the 2nd. My roommate is going back tomorrow. If it wouldn't have costed me $500+ more to get a single room of my own elsewhere, I really think I should have moved out. She's really nice an all..and it's not her, it's me.
I stayed because I have to learn to put up with other people. I need to learn to adapt to other peoples needs and coexist with another individual, same room or not. I have to get it into my head that not everyone else is like me and I have to accept and get used to the fact I'm going to continuously get pissed off, and I have to learn to just get over it. I'm staying because I need to learn tolerance.
I hate how it feels like I'm torturing myself. That should change, too.
I want to drop out of University and go to beauty school. I want to do hair. I feel like I'm suffocating myself. What am I going to use a History degree for? What am I going to use a piece of paper for? Wall decoration?
Remember when I mentioned, what, months ago, that I was emotionally constipated? As much as I take it out on the cat, although I know he loves almost every minute of my doting on him, I can't but help but feel like there's something missing. He comes when I call, he comes when I cry (well, sometimes), he plays fetch with me. He's just a cat and I think I'm starting to want too much from him because it's silly, he's just a cat.. 
I would like to go exploring again. If anyone knows of any fenced off/abandoned/etc.. places/buildings/etc.. in Milwaukee, tell me about them because I want to go.
There are a few beautiful cemeteries I've seen while on the bus that I'd like to go get lost in. They are so peaceful and comfortable. Maybe I'll get some pictures.
I wonder how old some of those souls are..
My favorite tune is Lara's Song. It reminds me of my childhood. It takes me away somewhere where I feel neutral, content, I think it's the only thing that does; I could live there forever. My mother has this small wooden music box that plays it when opened, I wish I could show you. It's been handed down to my mother from her mother. I know it will be something that causes a small rift between my sister and I when it's handed down to one of us. It's very dear to us both, as much as I love it, I'd rather she have it then let something so small and seemingly insignificant to the rest of the world make us grow apart.
Funny how the important things can make or break families.
No giant rats
that I've seen anyway...