It is scary how close you can come to having it all, I mean what you profess to need and want to have happiness, and by your own actions do something so stupid... so insanely ridiculous, you almost lose what is so very important to you. It causes you to do A LOT of soul searching. It causes you to find solutions so that you may hold on to exactly what is so important to you.
I, unfortunately, am in that spot right now. I have spent a life time keeping others at arms distance, making sure I couldn't be emotionally hurt. Creating a safe bubble, insulated with close, close friends, and not allowing anyone to breach that comfort. Then, fate allows a totally incredible woman to enter my life. The kind of person who has had the ability to show me that the "cliche'" saying of "soul mates" isn't cliche' at all, but very much a reality. And what do I do with that opportunity? Just about destroy it all.
So now, its time to take responsibility, find solutions to issues, and piece together what I feel in my heart is meant to be. Will it be easy? Undoubtedly, "NO." Will it be worth it? A resounding, "YES!!!!!!"
I fully believe that the "right" thing only comes along once... if you're lucky. Finding a way to accept the fact that I was fortunate enough to have found that, AND the fact that I could have totally fucked it up out of my own stupidity is a tough pill to swallow. Will I be fortunate enough to have the other party involved give me the opportunity to mend the damage I have done? Will I be lucky enough to be able to grab ahold of the chance to experience true happiness and never let it go, holding on tight to it as if nothing can tear it away from me. Will I be able to prove I can nurture a true relationship in the way that it is deserved? I can only close my eyes, and pray that I have one more chance to piece all of this back together. I can only pray that the love I have shown to this point, despite my stupid decisions in other areas, was true and pure enough to shine through the bullshit.
And in a time of the year that everyone thinks about things they are thankful for, I can say I am truly thankful for others who are patient, understanding, and want to give me that chance so that the rare, very true form of happiness may be allowed to be found.
I, unfortunately, am in that spot right now. I have spent a life time keeping others at arms distance, making sure I couldn't be emotionally hurt. Creating a safe bubble, insulated with close, close friends, and not allowing anyone to breach that comfort. Then, fate allows a totally incredible woman to enter my life. The kind of person who has had the ability to show me that the "cliche'" saying of "soul mates" isn't cliche' at all, but very much a reality. And what do I do with that opportunity? Just about destroy it all.
So now, its time to take responsibility, find solutions to issues, and piece together what I feel in my heart is meant to be. Will it be easy? Undoubtedly, "NO." Will it be worth it? A resounding, "YES!!!!!!"
I fully believe that the "right" thing only comes along once... if you're lucky. Finding a way to accept the fact that I was fortunate enough to have found that, AND the fact that I could have totally fucked it up out of my own stupidity is a tough pill to swallow. Will I be fortunate enough to have the other party involved give me the opportunity to mend the damage I have done? Will I be lucky enough to be able to grab ahold of the chance to experience true happiness and never let it go, holding on tight to it as if nothing can tear it away from me. Will I be able to prove I can nurture a true relationship in the way that it is deserved? I can only close my eyes, and pray that I have one more chance to piece all of this back together. I can only pray that the love I have shown to this point, despite my stupid decisions in other areas, was true and pure enough to shine through the bullshit.
And in a time of the year that everyone thinks about things they are thankful for, I can say I am truly thankful for others who are patient, understanding, and want to give me that chance so that the rare, very true form of happiness may be allowed to be found.