motorfirebox

So, wow. This happened two days ago and I still feel grossed out and embarrassed.

I'm at the bank, doing my bank thing, waiting for the teller to process my deposit. My arm itches, so I reach over and scratch it--and a chunk comes off on my finger. Startled, I panic and try to furtively flick it away. All of this happens right in front of the teller, who is looking directly at me the entire time. She stutters something as she hands over my receipt; we're both trying to pretend I didn't just pick a scab off my arm and drop it on the floor, because jesus christ who does that? Apparently I does that, though I swear to god it was just a single moment of derp and not a reflection on my personal hygiene.

Of course, the worst part is that when I got back to my car, I discovered that I had not simply re-opened some minor scratch, but unbarred a fucking portal to Artorea, the primordial realm from whence the ur-blood of all creation flows. My arm was all but spraying blood everywhere. By some freak of biology I apparently have a major artery just under the skin of my left triceps. I had some napkins left over from my salad at Wendy's, with which I vainly tried to staunch the flow while still sitting in the damn bank's parking lot. Eventually I slowed it to the point where I gave myself a 50/50 shot of making it home before I'd pass out from blood loss, so I drove out of there and back to my house where I will hide in my room and never show my face to the world again.

Goddamn.