motorfirebox

I used to look back at my past antics and wacky hijinx and think, "Wow, I was a really angry person back then." What I've come to realize is that I am an angry person, and that I'm likely to be an angry person for quite a long time. I've tried managing it through catharsis, but instead of draining, it just builds; I've tried swallowing it, but then it just gets stored up and pops out at some really inappropriate moment. What I've been doing more recently is, for lack of a better description, taking more active control of my thoughts. When they start drifting towards topics that are likely to set me off, I marshal and concentrate on something else. It seems to work okay; I feel less like I'm holding back, but I'm also very distracted and generally kind of glum.

On an unrelated note, an anecdote that told me a lot about myself when I thought about it: mom taught me my ABCs when I was a kid. But it wasn't until I entered preschool that I figured out they weren't my ABCs. I recall being pretty annoyed; if they weren't my ABCs, why did the song say they were? Why not sing about the ABCs?

It's sometimes amazing how little a person can change in thirty years.