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motorfirebox

Pittsburgh

Member Since 2004

Followers 50 Following 64

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Saturday Jan 06, 2007

Jan 5, 2007
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Woo, my first testimonial. Thanks, Maddigan!

Pittsburgh's been having a really mild winter, 50-60 degrees most days. The apartment's heat, of course, comes on no matter what the temperature is, so I've actually had to turn on the air conditioner some days. The funny part? Before they turned the heat on, I was leaving my oven on 150 and propping the door open. My apartment's small enough that this actually kept it warm. Good think my utilities are all covered by the rent.

The military is trying to recruit the living dead into their ranks. I've got two years of inactive reserve before I can stop worrying about getting called back up myself. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do if they called me back to the Army. I mean, once a week or so, I actually have a bad dream where I'm somehow in the Army again, and I wake up and feel this unbelievable sense of relief that it was just a dream. My subconscious has all the subtlety of a boot in the teeth--I never have to work very hard at interpreting them.

I mean, I saw some things while I was in Korea that I probably wouldn't have seen elsewhere, and maybe in ten or twenty years I'll have a shrink help me dig some of that shit out. But the real reason I don't want to go back to the Army is... well, you know the expression about trying to fit a round peg in a square hole? Well, trying to fit me into the Army is like trying to fit a round peg into a fucking rock. I'm not cut out for the life, and I don't want to be. A distant second is the fact that I don't want to die for Dubya. The man is a perversion.

So, if they call me back up... what? I've got one sorta friend in Canada. I could hop a plane back to Korea, but given how few friends I left there... not a swell idea. Could tell 'em I'm gay, of course, but that also comes with its own set of drawbacks.

I'll probably just go quietly. I'd hate every minute of it, and I might end up crashing out with a fucked-up head, but I'm not prone to quitting just because I don't like what I'm doing. But I truly and seriously cannot imagine anything worse than being forced back into the Army. And believe me, I've got a vivid fucking imagination.

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