mothra

So I had a really weird day today.

I woke up really bummed out for some reason I can't define. I must have had a dream that wasn't something I should wake up to find not real.

Then my sister called as I lay in bed depressed. We hung out and went shopping all day. And as poor as I am, I bought some really rad stuff for next to nothing. She's so much younger than me but fronts like she has her shit so much more together. Maybe the only reason I envy her is her money and stability, but I never envied her before.

Afterwards I hung out at my parents for a while. They were really happy I was taking care of our dogs while they went to my grandfathers funeral. This will be another funeral I'l aviod because I can't handle it.

I also found out while at my parents my other grandfather has gone terminal and doesn't hav emuch time left. He's the one that I rode on the tractor with, he's the one who took me to breakfast as a kid and he's the one who paid for me to go to college. When he dies I'll be a total wreck and I don't know what I should be doing.



I tried to avoid people tonight, but I couldn't. I really needed my friends out with me. I didn't want to talk about it... but I needed to not think about it.

I realized that the good things in life are few and far between. Not many people care at all about what you're going through, and even fewer will stand beside you through thick and thin.

I've run away from so much for so many stupid reasons. My life is unfolding in front of me everyday and I tend to hide from it. I'm a wierd person, it comes from a lifetime of being treated like an outsider and I can't change that easily. But I need to embrace those people I see around me who care.

Fuck all possible consequences, I need to open up and and break some walls down.

Life is short, I may die young so I need to start living. So if you read this all thanks. You are one of the people I'm glad I have in my life.