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So here's the 25th birthday.

Drove to Santa Monica, it was pouring so the pier was closed. One the way home was like this; mudslide, earthquake, downpours, six hours of deadstop traffic, no parking...

Fuck California. mad



Now I'm home and still as messed up and broken-hearted as ever.

But thanks for the wishes. kiss
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calmer_than_you:
Poker tonight you asshat, give me a call man...
handsomejoe:
We'll get super drunk tomorrow, that should help you out in your funk. biggrin
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LA is a long drive when you're alone with a head full of thoughts.


I'm amazed at how intense heart-break is. In 6 hours I think I ran the entire guantlet of emotions and I've never had anything occupy so much of me so completely... except the falling in love part.

The Mitch Hepburn CD did help for 45 minutes, I need to buy more...
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blaueminxaugen:
You're better off without....
doolittle:
we are missing you already. i think a little horseshoe would be cute, where would you stick it?





oh crap, i hope you are back by thursday. i need a ride to the airport still, homefry. time to start begging, wink
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I think things got as bad as they are going to get.

I guess that means getting better is on the horizon, and that is something I can look forward too.



Birthday is in two days, I'll be in LA with an old friend.

I just need to decide if I want to go to Disneyland for my birthday or get tattooed.

Spontinatity will rule...
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doolittle:
hope you have a fun birthday, i'll either see you when you get back, or when i get back into town.
blaueminxaugen:
a tattoo sounds therapudic.
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I learned some things about myself today I didn't know:


-For one, I respect and love almost all of the people in my life and would never do anything to make thier lives harder.

-Most people get a really bad impression of me when they first meet me, and sometimes that never goes away.

-My youth fucked me up pretty badly and the movie "Little...
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squishylizards:
wow, what a day that must have been!
I wish you lots of luck, and hope you are doing alright.
happy early birthday!
heartyou:
Now I know some things about you I did not know.
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My Dad moved out today and my Mom called my crying. I really don't know how good I can be for anyone else right now.


I feel like an asshole for running, but I feel like all that happens when I do anything here, is get a lecture about the other worst thing that ever happened to me.



My life sucks, I have accepted that....
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doolittle:
i'm sorry about your mom and dad. the way you described your mom to me though, leads me to believe she will be ok. i had a good time last night, thanks. (super hangover not so strong anymore.)
thrasher:
BMX is cooler then skateboarding??

I thinking I just hurt myself laughing
Ow my side
BlaHAHahahahaha
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It's going to be so hard to move on.

So I think I'll run away for a while.



I'll see you all again soon.

Thanks to those who care. smile
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conxuela:
oh, poo.
well, have a good "running away" at least.
doolittle:
arrggh! well, have fun on your trip. call us when you get back, we'll celebrate the b-day.
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No matter how bad it ever got, I will always remember it as one of the best things to ever happen in my life.



On that note, lets get drunk tonight. I might not be here this weekend or next week.
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thrasher:
kiss
doolittle:
yes, yes we shall drink.
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When you're heart and brain try to work together you somehow turn retarded.

Nothing seems to be the right solution but somehow you need to come up with A solution.

In the end nothing will turn out the way anyone wants it to.



Retarded people shouldn't make decisions. skull
dappergatsby:
I just got back from burying my father..
I just wanted to take a few minutes in the hectic aftermath of all that's going on for me..
to write you just a bit of support and thanks..
You were so kind to send comment and support my way.
I profoundly thank you..
I've been catching up on everyone's lives since the month has blurred past for me.
I'm sorry to see the situation you've been dealing with..
stay strong brother.
Heartbreak can take a long time to settle.
You seem to be doing the best you can.
You are handling the stress rather well,
I mean you could really lose it but you've sublimated those feelings into your art and such..
i commend you for that!
I've had my own share of the blues when it comes to
romance and all that.
You have shown everyone you are a loving, postive, gentleman, you have my respect and support Good man!
Things may feel glum for even a while longer...
I hope it somehow helps that i tell you thatyou'll most probably
come out of this stronger, and better for the experience.
You'll be able to give an even greater sense of commitment,
support, and strength to any lucky lady in the future..
oh and everv since I met you years ago,
there's ALWAYS been a sweet lass swoonin' over you..
when you're ready to get back "in that groove"
you'll have many takers I'm sure.

Forgive the delerious nature of this comment.
Just know i'm thankful for the kindness..
i hope i can send the same.
~J
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Today is better than yesterday.

That's the first time I can say that in a while.

smile
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doolittle:

and

also.
handsomejoe:
I like how looking like a bum is in right now. Of course this happens after I cut my hair.
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I can't fight anymore.

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.

It's been the hardest month of my life and it's starting to show. My fight is over, if there's anything worth salvaging left fighting needs to come from the other end.


I think I might finally be able to go to sleep in my bed without being wasted. My body is starting to tell me I...
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I know I said no more depressed posts, but I really can't help it.

This is the absolute worst feeling that I have ever had in my life.

Nothing has ever made me sadder than the thought of her not ever comming home.

I'll never get to hold her hand, kiss her cheek, buy her flowers, see her hide her face when she looks at...
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doolittle:
i understand the whole wallowing bit, but like i said, i've got nothing going on. you can be, like, a bad soap opera keeping me entertained or something. and i could use a video game competition or some company to go out of my house and do something with. good luck bringing me down, anyhow. joey and i were browsing tiffany & co. on the web together last night, i am officially perma-grinning.
thrasher:
I got you some of that Knock_Out stuff. I'll swing it by sometime tomorrow afternoon.
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I dont't want to be a fool.

I really hope that I haven't become one. But if I am I think it was for the right reason.

If not I might be bitter forever.

frown