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motherchaos

Fairbanks Alaska

Member Since 2007

Followers 50 Following 51

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Monday Mar 19, 2007

Mar 19, 2007
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Life is a rather interesting roller-coaster sometimes.... Up, down, up... Even a loop-de-loop to keep things interesting...
The van is still pretty out of it. The final prognosis is that it needs a whole new engine. We do have a line on one that won't break the bank too much, but since my Hubby will be working on it (pretty throughly) it will probably not be back on the road till mid summer at the earliest. We bought a little crap car for cheap, and hopefully it will take care of us for at least 6months or so till we can get the van back on the road. Once the van is back up though, it should be practically new, at least in the engine and undercarriage part...not much I can do about the interior wink At least the outside isn't banged up.
We normally wouldn't bother going to such great lengths for an old rather beat up vehicle, but replacing the Safari isn't so easy anymore....the bitchy part is that the manufacturers don't even make them anymore...now all the vans are really tiny and don't hold much. You may laugh, but with the SCA I have been known to pack a pavillion, a full set of eating gear for 7, cooking gear, clothes for the whole weekend for my family of 5, another smaller tent, sleeping bags and pillows, chairs, airbeds, cloaks and then the activity stuff to do during the days...that is before I stick the people in the van. When I add the people, there can be the five of us and three more additional... It gets cosy, but Anchorage is only a 6-7 hour drive wink.
On a different note, it seems I get the joy and pleasure of going back to the Doc for more testing... Last year I fought with intense fatigue, depression and memory issues with an intensity strong enough to finally scare me to the Dr's. I went it, had blood and urine tests, got poked and prodded and even MRI'd...the Dr finally determined that I was most likely suffering from something called adrenal fatigue. My hormone levels of DHEA and Cortisol were through the roof. He said that long periods of severe stress can cause these levels to build to help the body fight it. However, when the stress lessens or goes away, the body doesn't always quit producing the hormones...thus your body ends up with all this excess crap that has no use and no where to go and it makes you tired, forgetful and depressed. The MRI showed that my left adrenal gland was larger in size, so the Dr said that he wanted to redo the tests in 6 months and see if the levels have self corrected...Oh joy. The bitch part is that I was feeling great in November and December, and then I started feeling increasingly irritable, tired and depressed from mid January on. It is pretty horrible when the things that you do that usually make you happy and give you a stress break become the things that make you feel worse.
The SCA and my sewing/needlework are my life savers and lately I have been fighting to stay with either of them. I so badly want to be with the people in my group and yet I am constantly belittling myself and feeling like a hindrance and a burden...which I know is silly, but yet hard to overcome right now. The really hurting part is when I get told that I am acting "strange" or "being sharp" with people. I know that they are probably right, but it tends to make me feel worse and feel like throwing my hands up in the air and hiding from the world. I spent Saturday at event two friends were hosting. They did a great job making the whole event lovely and fun and yet the main host was really feeling out of sorts and stressed and I am sure I didn't help since I arrived in a hurt mood and never could pull myself out of it. I felt myself being hurt over stupid things and by the end of the night I felt depressed enough to be suicidal...that really set off every warning bell I have especially since there was NO Reason for me to be upset in anyway...
So, fast forward to today and I have called the Doc, scheduled my lad tests and get to wait a week to see what shows. He feels that it is probably the Adrenal Fatigue again...if so I guess we get to find ways to help get the body back on track because I am really tired of this BS...
If you have made it this far, I appreciate the willingness to let me rant...I hate being out of whack or sick, I hate doctors and I certainly hate the bills that come with them, but I do like being able to smile and have people like being with me So...here I go trying to fix it Wish me luck blackeyed .... I actually feel pretty good today, not too sore and tired. Sunlight is coming back (we are almost back to 12 and 12 again... Equinox is Wednesday...) and it is actually getting warmer each day. Who knows, I might actually get to see green in a month and that will make me ecstatic.... tongue

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
ta2dmom:
Oh hon, TRUST me, I've been on both sides. I hope they can get something figured out for you. It's not fun to have to deal with life but even worse is life, with something like this going on too. frown
I hope the van can be fixed up right for you and that the secondary car holds out for you until the van is all better. wink.
Good luck with the Dr.
xoxo
kiss

oh and feel free to rant away anytime. I'm realizing that this a great place for it tongue.
Mar 19, 2007
lidiot:
it's kinda like post traumatic stress disorder, from what i'm told. a friend has been going thru the same thing. i think she got put on prozac but ONLY for a brief period to try and level out her body's adrenaline output. if you have to go that route, she was surprised that it seemed to work and she was off the meds in a few months (and it was a pretty small dose, too)

oh, yeah, i know well the miracles of packing that can occur!

peace, babe!
Mar 23, 2007

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