morrow

so. it has without a doubt been the worst summer of my entire life. everything kind of collapsed on me.. daniel left me about a month ago. said im "not that pretty" and that he doesnt care about me. i stopped sleeping, had a panic attac the other day and am generally just doing horribly. daniel moved out right away and have been staying with friends since. glad his life is going awsome and im left in the trash. i literally could not have treated him better. random gifts constantly, hot oils massages when he felt like it, i did all cleaning, made him food and paid for the majority of things. but more than that, i always listened to him. i was there for him no matter what. and now im sitting in an empty apartment feeling like crap.
i found a new place.. the most perfect apt in the world pretty much. was about to move in with two friends of mine yesterday, but two days before, my "friends" bailed. said they wanted a house instead. after i already paid for their credit checks and put a months rent down to hold it for us. nice people really do finish last. and get brutally fucking taken advantage of. now im posting ads on craigslist and my fb, telling everyone i need two new room mates and people keep saying theyre interested and then flaking out. i absolutely feel like i cant win right now.
i need out of this apartment. sitting here and starring at all our things and the walls we painted together, makes me want to break something. i need to find room mates already, not have to stress out this bad, and start getting my life together more. im tired of being so unhappy. im tired of all the flaky shitty people i keep encountering. i really wish LA didnt have to be so fake and cliche.
i did adopt a pup. Jack, the pug is now mine all mine. my one ray of sunshine. he is sweet and makes adorable snort noises.
things really have to start turning around for me at some point. im tired of having to make an effort to smile.