moothejew

So my wife and I had a talk this morning. She told me that yesterday she was seriously thinking about leaving. I can't blame her. I'm not the greatest. I don't do house work, I don't do anything around the house. And despite my best efforts to change that, nothing has changed. I'm chronically depressed, and it's the depression where I not only can't motivate myself to do anything, I can't even move my limbs once I do motivate myself. Several years ago a friend of mine took his life at my house. He was renting it from me. He called me the day before he did it, wanting me to visit, but I was too sick to come out. I've always blamed myself...thinking if I could have just come out and talked to him, maybe he wouldn't have. Maybe he just needed someone to talk to. This is something I will never not believe. I realize there isn't much I could have done, but I will always blame myself. I'm going to go to a psychologist, and maybe see about getting on anti-depressants. I can't live like this. I can't let this ruin my marriage. I need to take a step...and I'm afraid to. I don't know if I'll be able to ever get over this. I don't know if I want to. The guilt has been a part of me for so long I don't know what I'd be like if I didn't have it.

Sorry for rambling....needed to get it out.

Hope you all are well.