mooohkey

So I thought I might begin my return to SG with a bit of a sulk.
I just can't concentrate today. Apparently I have an envious assignment about wine microbiology to do. A test for anatomy & phsyiology too.
25 and still living with parents what more can I say. Woke up parents just bitching at each other, Dad tellling mum her bum is getting fat, Mum screaming at Dad he never does enough around the house. Dad screaming at Mum for buying a new bed that cost $1000. So I go to my brothers house to say Hi and collect the $50 he owes me. Brother going crazy. Someones broken in and in a moment of genius he jumps over the neighbours fence to collect something the burgular dropped. The neighbour had also been robbed and his wife or some shit rang the police and said she saw my brother in her yard. By the time I get there everyone is screaming at each other in the street. Come back home. Parents still bickering so go to back room with my coffee and put on a bit of music and try to do some work. Argueing gets louder and louder. Can't afford to go anywhere else because I didn't get my $50 back, boyfriends at work...Cannot concentrate. Go for ride. Feel better. Go home. The dog has shat in my room. The dog likes shitting in my room no matter how much vinegar I spray in her favourite place. I'm freaking out my parents have still been married for 40 years and seemingly hated every moment of it. I have so much work to do and I don't get paid for another 2 days. Trying so hard not to use the dreaded plastic card. I start to clean up the poo and I begin to cry. Mum yells out to me "shut the fuck up you idiot. this is none of your business, put your deaf ears on"
In a moment of unpredictability and angst I have not visit since my teenage days or my pathetic time on Xanax I got really fucking mad. I threw the bucket of bleach solution (with poo bits) at her. I totally ruined her new clothes. Dad told me she deserved it. Mum told me to move out.
My aunty came over and smoothed things out a little...she said I shouldn't have done the bleach thing. I feel really guilty. Mum said I didn't have to move out.
But fuck man, I still haven't got any work done.

Recently I have been reading up about the downhill racer Michelle Dumaresq. She is the Canadian Womens DH Champion and a controversial one at that because she started life as a boy. I really admire Michelle because she embodies that old saying "I rather be hated for who I am be loved for what I am not". She came clean about her past when she could of just said nothing and kept the status quo. I emaled her and she sent a really thoughtfull reply back. I know my fight with Mum today isn't anything like Michelles struggle or anyone elses trials and tribulations. But knowing that theres people like Michelle kicking around, yeah I can wake up again tomorrow and I better get my arse into gear...I don't have a good enough excuse. I don't wanna go down that xanax path again...where did it lead last time? Standing on top of a fence on a footbridge staring at the leftbound traffic....

I now I look at my packet of Levlen ED, my period is due tomorrow....