montypython103

yeah it's been a while since i blogged. so much has happened. a bit over a month ago, my ex text me out of the blue wanting to get coffee. well we ended up just hanging out at my place and drinking all my winter lager. was a good night, we got a lot out in the open. she's moving out of her house she has with her now ex and she told me that she regretted breaking up with me and wants to try again. not right away mind you, she needs to get on her own and get her head straight. we'll we've hung out almost weekly since and last Fri (the 13th) was my b-day party, which she came to. it was an amazing night and, well we got a little drunk, made out in the ladies room and her car for quite a while. we wanted more but managed to keep our desire in check. neither of us wants to rush into something, she isn't ready for a relationship right now and we both want that. it sucks to wait b/c we both want each other so badly and the teasing is OUT OF CONTROL!!! it's almost to the point where we can't see each other, which really sucks. life is good though and i'm excited to see where things can go this time around. i find that my feelings for her are very strong still, i hope i can keep my feelings in check. i know she wants me, not just sexually and i know she cares about me.

i'm not the same person i was last time, party b/c she broke my heart, but i'm a better person. she thinks she isn't good enough for me, and i'm not sure how to assuage that fear in her. she is everything i ever wanted and everything i never knew that i wanted. i love her and i want her to understand that i don't care about her past, i just want the present and the future. or at least a chance at that. i'm a very logical and mathematical person and i can see all the possibilities ahead and i do see the potential to spend the rest of my life with this woman and it fills me with so much joy i might supernova. when she smiles at me (or does certain other things ) i feel like the luckiest man on earth and everything in the universe seems just right. of course, i can't express this to her yet as we aren't even dating technically.