montypython103

so....my heart was ripped out of my chest yesterday. She broke up with me b/c she doesn't think it's fair to me to drag me through her shit. She wants to be with me, cares about me but needs to sort her life out, she isn't ready for what we inadvertently were becoming. We hugged, hard, told each other we'd miss the other, hugged again. I kissed her goodbye and she kissed back. She told me she wants another chance when she is ready, hopefully I haven't moved on by then. I cried after she left. I haven't cried like that in a very long time. I cried because she left, but mostly I cried because I couldn't tell her that I love her. I didn't want to make things harder.

One of my friends gave me advice, an ex actually. If I love her, I should go after her. I did. I went to her house and told her that it isn't up to her to decide what's fair for me, somewhere along the way I fell in love. She didn't take that very well, she started to deny and then started to cry. I told her that I didn't want to tell her before, to not make it harder, I don't tell her now to get her to change her mind, but to get everything out in the open and not regret that I didn't tell her. We hugged some more, I told her that I would wait as long as I can. She is worth waiting for. Despite her thinking to the contrary, she is worth it. She got 2 shots of tequila to share, we hugged some more, I left. I turned around half way up the sidewalk and she was still outside, watching me. I wanted to tell her I loved her again, but I couldn't.

I think I did all I can, it's in her hands now. Hopefully she doesn't take too long. I miss her so terribly already.