monsterjoe

I went to a memorial service today. It was for the woman who babysat me most often as a child. Like all adults she used to enforce rules that I didn't understand or agree with and she wasn't very sympathetic to my childhood plights, but she was a decent person who never put me through anything unnecessarily. As I got older and no longer needed babysitters I came to appreciate her as human and as a friend. Even as an adult I never stopped calling her "auntie."

I left home for several years just after highschool and auntie and her daughter had a falling out. I became too busy living and only rarely talked to her in the ensuing years. Before my mother told me last night that she was dead I couldn't tell you the last time I thought about her. The last time I saw her was at a birthday party 5 or 6 years ago.

So today I was scheduled to work at 3:30. The memorial was scheduled for 1pm. I woke up at 11:30 having just over 5 hours of sleep. I slapped myself awake thinking, "why am I doing this? Why am I going? She's not going to know if I don't go and she won't care. She's dead. Her own daughter probably won't even be there." But I did go. I simply couldn't not do it. One of the things that I've realized is that relationships drive me. I say things like, "I love my friends," and "my family is important to me." So if saying the words means anything at all there has to be some action to back them up. So that's why I went - for friendship and for love. Even if I hadn't seen her for years it wasn't because of any animosity or hurt feelings. As it turns out her daughter was there and we shared some memories. When I got to work today the sensus was down and they sent me home. I spent the rest of the day at my friends house playing with two of my godsons, wondering at the thought of them growing up and someday calling me a friend.