A few things:
A night or two ago I had a dream about smoking cigarettes. In the dream people would catch me and I'd go "well, yeah I know I quit, but just one won't hurt." Or, it would morph another way and I'd be smoking, and then look down and go "hey that's funny. How did this cigarette get into my hand, and how am I smoking and inhaling it?" Like it was happening on it's own.
There are very few days when I put my head down at night without being absolutely positive that I'm the biggest asshole on the planet. I caught myself thinking about scars the other day. I was thinking about cool (kewl) scars. Something harsh, but manly. Like one on the side of my face, or maybe one across my eye so I'd have to wear a patch. I thought about going to war in Iraq to get such a scar, so I could wear it like a badge, a harsh, but manly badge. I was thinking about the scowl I would wear with my scar, and about how it would make people pause when talking to me. It would give me just that much more respect. And then I really thought about it. What it would mean to fight in Iraq. What other people have gone through to get scars. What scars actually mean - that you're body has been damaged. Yeah, I'm an asshole. But I try to keep a lid on it people. I try.
A night or two ago I had a dream about smoking cigarettes. In the dream people would catch me and I'd go "well, yeah I know I quit, but just one won't hurt." Or, it would morph another way and I'd be smoking, and then look down and go "hey that's funny. How did this cigarette get into my hand, and how am I smoking and inhaling it?" Like it was happening on it's own.
There are very few days when I put my head down at night without being absolutely positive that I'm the biggest asshole on the planet. I caught myself thinking about scars the other day. I was thinking about cool (kewl) scars. Something harsh, but manly. Like one on the side of my face, or maybe one across my eye so I'd have to wear a patch. I thought about going to war in Iraq to get such a scar, so I could wear it like a badge, a harsh, but manly badge. I was thinking about the scowl I would wear with my scar, and about how it would make people pause when talking to me. It would give me just that much more respect. And then I really thought about it. What it would mean to fight in Iraq. What other people have gone through to get scars. What scars actually mean - that you're body has been damaged. Yeah, I'm an asshole. But I try to keep a lid on it people. I try.
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No asshole-ish tendancies at your graduation party, at least... not that I felt... but hell, whadda I know eh?
Sometimes I feel like I need to be punished for my bad actions... and wonder what hideous ways I can be marked... so people will know what kind of asshole lurks inside of me... but luckily those feelings pass in a few days.
So how's the summer treating you? Work going well, and all?
Just finished my 1st week of training at the Japanese place... mmMmmm. it'll be $$$, but employees will get 50% discount for up to a party of four.