Once again, I feel like absolute shit.
I would do anything to come home now. Anything. Last night I was seriously contemplating all the things I could do to get sent home, like if I broke both of my legs and stuff. Maybe I can get send home for being mentally and emotionally unstable. Actually I'm pretty stable in that I'm consistently miserable. I don't know what to do to make this all stop.
It gets particularly bad at night. I have trouble getting to sleep and then I'll wake up and feel like hours have passed but it won't even be morning yet.
It feels like time is going in slow motion.
I guess my three days of being here have already made me realize some things. Like how much I love home. And my friends. And most of all, Brian. Seriously. I have never ever loved anyone like this, I don't think I ever will. And I don't think anyone else will either. So he'd better keep that in mind. I try and think positively. Like, I'll see him in 46 days. And then once I get home, we're going to move in together. But I worry that we won't be able to talk enough because of the time difference and the cost. Mostly I just miss him like crazy. I knew it was going to be tough, but I had no idea it was going to be this bad.
I'm meeting some of the UK SGs at the pub this evening, so that should make me feel a little better. I'm not drinking while I'm here though. I want Brian to be comfortable and not worry about me too much, and I think alcohol would just magnify my misery. It sucks because it seems like all anyone here wants to do in the evenings is go out and drink so it leaves me kind of lonely in the evenings.
Oh God. I wish there was something I could do to make this all stop.
*sigh*
Love,
Monroe
I would do anything to come home now. Anything. Last night I was seriously contemplating all the things I could do to get sent home, like if I broke both of my legs and stuff. Maybe I can get send home for being mentally and emotionally unstable. Actually I'm pretty stable in that I'm consistently miserable. I don't know what to do to make this all stop.
It gets particularly bad at night. I have trouble getting to sleep and then I'll wake up and feel like hours have passed but it won't even be morning yet.
It feels like time is going in slow motion.
I guess my three days of being here have already made me realize some things. Like how much I love home. And my friends. And most of all, Brian. Seriously. I have never ever loved anyone like this, I don't think I ever will. And I don't think anyone else will either. So he'd better keep that in mind. I try and think positively. Like, I'll see him in 46 days. And then once I get home, we're going to move in together. But I worry that we won't be able to talk enough because of the time difference and the cost. Mostly I just miss him like crazy. I knew it was going to be tough, but I had no idea it was going to be this bad.
I'm meeting some of the UK SGs at the pub this evening, so that should make me feel a little better. I'm not drinking while I'm here though. I want Brian to be comfortable and not worry about me too much, and I think alcohol would just magnify my misery. It sucks because it seems like all anyone here wants to do in the evenings is go out and drink so it leaves me kind of lonely in the evenings.
Oh God. I wish there was something I could do to make this all stop.
*sigh*
Love,
Monroe
VIEW 25 of 40 COMMENTS
amibringnthemosh:
oh you know it!
ghoulish:
that we are. whatup?