I've been feeling a little better, I guess. My appetite is returning slowly but surely- I'm back over 100lbs for the first time in about a month! I even had a couple day stretch where I didn't cry at all! Amazeballs! I run the gamut of emotions every day though, usually. I wake up in a bittersweet mood, full of love and longing and a little pity. Then as the day goes on and my thoughts start churning, I feel so angry at the way I was treated at times, disgusted by certain events that transpired right after we broke up. More bitterbitter than bittersweet. Then it all gives way to sadness and confusion. And the cycle starts all over the next day.There are little glimmers of hope in some important decisions having been made, but I try not to become too hopeful, because I've made that mistake in the past. There's so much recovery and sacrifice and work that needs to happen for anything to ever work again. So for now, it's onward, straight ahead, time to focus on myself and what I want for myself for the first time in a very long time. If our paths end up intersecting again under different circumstances, well, (I think) I'd like that very much. But I can't keep holding my breath, because I'm about to suffocate. My friends are awesome, and insane, and hilarious and they take me out and try to cheer me up and introduce me to people. Nobody really interests me though, nobody really gets it. I'm not interested in your stupid pretentious bullshit, or your shitty band or whatever, skinny hipster dudes of the world. Not. For Me. And I'm not about to sleep with some fuggo loser just because they show me some attention. That's lame and pathetic, just not a good look. So it's kinda depressing all around, mind, heart, and vagina. Haha. Buuuuut I'm keeping my chin up.
BLAH BLAH.
Here is the last month or so in photosummary:
That's me for my friend's store, La Strega Bianca Vintage (not to be confused with MY store, the equally good but oh so different Downtown 500 Vintage
So yeah. Pretty ironic month considering the circumstances. As my emotions have begun to level out, so has my partying. I was kind of acting like a retard, and certainly not helping my case. It wasn't helping much of anything, really. As my personal life-guru Kanye West said, "The plan was to drink until the pain over/but whats worse? The pain or the hangover?"
I am still completely in love with Gnucci Banana:
I love that she and her husband (Spoek Mathambo) are always collaborating musically. To be on the same level creatively with your significant other and to be able to bounce back and forth off each other like that, travel all around the world and do your thaaaang- total dream. I thought I had that once, buuuuut....too much other bullshit was in the way.
Clearly I've far surpassed the number of words people are going to read/pictures people are gonna look at, so I'll stop now.
Later haters.
