I need to go, but I don't know where to go.
I have been in portland since 1990 and damn it''s been tough to stick around. Before that I moved all the time. wanderlust was my middle name. I moved state to state, region to region to feel it, to impress on my being the magnetic resonence of the places I had been and lived.
When I moved here from santa fe to start freelanceing, I really didn't expect to be here more than a year or so. 12 years later, here I still am. I got so goddamn leveraged in the mud we use to brick in our lives that I guess that I just forgot to go. There is also the fact that puddletown had been too damn easy a place to live. it's just so easy to become part of the scenery. Melting into the place with each drop of rain.
Now what do I do. I can't easily extricate myself from my life here. I don't know that I really want to even. I am torn between the need to go and wash away the grime that has built up over the years and the gravitational pull from the literal mass I have built here.
It's so damn sticky to. it's like a spider web where the more you fight the more entangled you become. Relax I tell myself. breath in. breath out. be one with the horrah. <SCREAM. KICK. LASH WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT>. let all the tension flow out with each breath. bring the cleansing breath in...
Nothing resolved. I am going to get on my motorcycle and ride. like always, not knowing where I am going. Like always wondering if I will be coming back. I always somehow make it back though. the cord doesn't seem to want to break. no matter how hard or far I stretch it.
*sigh*
I have been in portland since 1990 and damn it''s been tough to stick around. Before that I moved all the time. wanderlust was my middle name. I moved state to state, region to region to feel it, to impress on my being the magnetic resonence of the places I had been and lived.
When I moved here from santa fe to start freelanceing, I really didn't expect to be here more than a year or so. 12 years later, here I still am. I got so goddamn leveraged in the mud we use to brick in our lives that I guess that I just forgot to go. There is also the fact that puddletown had been too damn easy a place to live. it's just so easy to become part of the scenery. Melting into the place with each drop of rain.
Now what do I do. I can't easily extricate myself from my life here. I don't know that I really want to even. I am torn between the need to go and wash away the grime that has built up over the years and the gravitational pull from the literal mass I have built here.
It's so damn sticky to. it's like a spider web where the more you fight the more entangled you become. Relax I tell myself. breath in. breath out. be one with the horrah. <SCREAM. KICK. LASH WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT>. let all the tension flow out with each breath. bring the cleansing breath in...
Nothing resolved. I am going to get on my motorcycle and ride. like always, not knowing where I am going. Like always wondering if I will be coming back. I always somehow make it back though. the cord doesn't seem to want to break. no matter how hard or far I stretch it.
*sigh*
marla:
I feel for you. Really. I've lived in Portland all my life (basically). I've wandered off a few months at a time, but I always come back. Permanent residence. Sometimes want to go south. Sometimes north. And yet I stay and stay. Where all my treasures lie, here in Portland. If you can go, go! Take yourself on a magic bike ride and go where the magic takes you. You can always come back. You can always have new experiences. Your life is pliable. *sending good vibes at you*