monovox

It's funny where you might find yourself at times in your life. You know, your walking down the warm familiar street that is your life and all of a sudden everything is different...no longer warm and familiar. No familiar landmarks. Nothing comfortable nor inviting. only the foreign and cold where home use to be. You walk and walk and it's all different. You realize that it's all gone, fini...and there's no going back. But, all you want is to lay your head down without worry and find the soulful warmth and comfort that never seems to come.

I have been struggling for a while with the feeling that what has been home for 17 years, my lovely puddletown, has become a cold, dead shell, a discarded skin that I have not come to grips with moving on from. Like an apparition that won't leave the place of it's death... I feel like I am similarly haunting this place. That my place isn't here anymore, yet I don't know where to go. I have been patiently waiting for that internal guiding pull in my heart that always directs me, to indicate something...but it too seems lifeless, cold and unresponsive. I want to reach out for help, for warmth and familiarity, for someone to stroke my hair and whisper softly in my ear that I am home and it's all ok. But I am fairly certain at this point that no one can help me with this. I am so weary of it, but I have always had to walk these long unforged paths alone. I am slowly coming to terms with it again. I just wish that I could feel my internal compass again...I fear that I am just walking in circles, slowly driving myself mad.