I am in SLC after a grueling 14 hour straight though motorcycle ride yesterday. Discounting the hours of rain and hail coming through the gorge, It actually was a fairly great ride up to problably hour 10-11. At that point we were past the point of no return and my brother really wanted to get to our destination to meet his daughter. I felt that I needed to support him. I was also stubborn (as is often the case) about finishing what I had started. The worst part was being dog tired at 11 at night in the middle of butt-fuck idaho, super paranoid about deer jumping out in front of me. When we rolled into my sisters house here in SLC, I was so fucking sore, I practically had to be pried off of the bike.
Mentally, I think that I got just what I needed out of it though. And I think that the solitude and the whole ordeal of the ride made for bringing out a clearer understanding of what is going on deep inside of myself lately. I came to some pretty clear realizations. It sounds strange to say, but I think that sometimes I need pain that is different from what I am struggling through to give myself perspective on what it is that I am actually struggling with... Now I just have to find the way to best move forward with these realizations.
This morning when my brother met his 15 year old daughter for the first time, it was the first time I have ever seen by brother nervous to the point of shaking. In the end though, It turned out to be an almost un-naturally natural feeling meeting between our family and his daughter and her adopted parents. Things went very well and we all basically spent the whole day together learning about each other. It was very relieving to find that her family weren't the super religious freaks that he and I feared at times. The whole thing was very exciting and his daughter is a very amazing being.
Privately, something a little weird emerged... I didn't quite expect the quiet little pangs of... I can't quite call it regret... but as I watched the beauty of my brothers blooming relationship with his daughter and was surrounded by my beautiful niece and nephew from other siblings, I found myself questioning my choices to not have children.
Beyond all of that, it is very strange to be in Utah. I always feel culturally claustrophobic here and now is no different. Makers Mark has been helpful.
Oh, and we played Wii today for the first time! it was really fun!
Mentally, I think that I got just what I needed out of it though. And I think that the solitude and the whole ordeal of the ride made for bringing out a clearer understanding of what is going on deep inside of myself lately. I came to some pretty clear realizations. It sounds strange to say, but I think that sometimes I need pain that is different from what I am struggling through to give myself perspective on what it is that I am actually struggling with... Now I just have to find the way to best move forward with these realizations.
This morning when my brother met his 15 year old daughter for the first time, it was the first time I have ever seen by brother nervous to the point of shaking. In the end though, It turned out to be an almost un-naturally natural feeling meeting between our family and his daughter and her adopted parents. Things went very well and we all basically spent the whole day together learning about each other. It was very relieving to find that her family weren't the super religious freaks that he and I feared at times. The whole thing was very exciting and his daughter is a very amazing being.
Privately, something a little weird emerged... I didn't quite expect the quiet little pangs of... I can't quite call it regret... but as I watched the beauty of my brothers blooming relationship with his daughter and was surrounded by my beautiful niece and nephew from other siblings, I found myself questioning my choices to not have children.
Beyond all of that, it is very strange to be in Utah. I always feel culturally claustrophobic here and now is no different. Makers Mark has been helpful.
Oh, and we played Wii today for the first time! it was really fun!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
elleseven:
but mostly
stellaris:
thank you for the nice comment on my rejected set 