This week I’ve mostly been constructing a secret underground lair. I was inspired by Rick and Morty, if one old man can singlehandedly build a futuristic lab under his garage surely it can’t be that hard? Boy was I wrong!

After my neighbors garden collapsed into a 20ft deep hole I’d dug underneath, I thought it best to cover my tracks and call the police blaming my neighbors for illegal fracking. They are currently in jail awaiting trial!

With them out of the way I’m free to dig under their house without raising suspicions (I’ll see if that works and maybe then try my own). So far only part of their kitchen has disappeared into the abyss so it’s going pretty well!

Whilst digging I found Mr.Jones’s secret porn magazine stash under a pipe near the porch, not sure it’s my thing but ‘lusty Victorian butchers assistants’ is one of the more racy titles.

I also burst one of the pipes with a pick axe by accident but Mr.Jones is a strong swimmer so he won’t mind his living room under 5ft of water I’m sure!

I also made brownies this week I wish you could smell the magic.

goodbye