Good evening apocalypse dwellers. Have you ever been in chased by a pack of shuffling zombies and wondered too late how you could have disguised your presence from them before being torn apart and eaten alive?....no you haven’t.

Here are some tips for urban/rural camouflage to hide from the IRS or pesky neighbors after setting their car on fire.

Go to a hardware store and buy a tin of grey paint, preferably waterproof, take all your clothes off and paint every inch of skin and hair. You are now exactly the same color as the freeway. Lay across the freeway, no one will be able to see you, it works even better at night!

In a forest setting I find glueing moss or nailing leaves to your body works as a perfect camouflage, I find roofing nails work best.

To disguise your musky smell from hunters, why not trying washing you filthy animal!

I hope that helped avoiding capture. As I write this I am hiding in my mothers cutlery draw, on the run from a vicious gang of squirrels who accused me of fondling their nuts.

Toodaloo!