I love it when a plan comes together or whatever.

This week I thought my house had been invaded by unseen evil entities as my collection of miniature golf paraphernalia appeared to be moving of its own volition.

I have set up cameras in every room to catch them in the act but so far have only got footage of my cat playing with his own love balloons. I have over 3 hours of footage on every camera.

Later in the evening I caught him editing the video and posting it to Only Fans under the username ‘Radnor the soul shiter’. For $20 a month I wouldn’t bother as he’s an utter bell end and won’t answer messages as his paws are to big to type properly.

Anyway I called an exorcist to get rid of the spirits in my house, it turns out my cat has been selling the miniature golf stuff on eBay to fund his gambling habit and was using the love balloon play as a cover

The exorcist ran from my house screaming after my cat attempted to extract his soul through prolonged eye contact but I stopped him just in time, I will live in fear for the next few days as he hungers for the souls of man

I have to go now as I can hear him scratching at the door. If you don’t hear from me in 25 minutes please call Scooby and the gang as they will no doubt unmask him as a crazed janitor only here for my priceless collection

Goodbye and tell Velma I think she’s great. If I don’t make it please play a Richard Cheese medley at my wake.

Toodlepip