monkeypox

wow, i have not been a member on this site for very long, so dont take this entry the wrong way.

today is the first time (that i can conciously notice) that the content of this site has affected me personally, and caused me to reflect on my own lifestyle and attitude.

i got home about four am and started making myself some meatballs. as they were cooking i got on line and started checking out the boards and stuff. im not going to go into too much detail as to what thread i was reading but i can honestly say what i read caused me to take a step back and see how some of the things being said might apply to me.

ive been very angry lately in my own personal life. i think im over working myself and feeling underappreciated. im not a very violent person on the exterior but i know that i cant harbor some pent up aggression and lately ive had a very short fuse. ive been defensive and angry lashing out my hostilities in all directions. ive been intolerent and aggitaded, only paying attention to the way diffrent situations apply to myself and not taking into account the pressures and stimuli that affect the others around me.

i stumbled accross a pretty good example of these charictoristics being exibited by someone other than myself. now not being personally envoled with this persons or their interprataions of how the world is mistreating them - it allowed me to see how i may be inadvertantly feeding into the horribleness wich i seem to be drowing in.

i cant help but feel bad for that person who feels dejected. im sure in her mind shes defending herself with all the determination and pride she feels she deserves. i know what thats like. i hope she can let go of some of her rage and learn not to perpetuate the very thing she is battling.

some times are worse than others and sometimes thay last far too long.

i hope she can find something posative in her own life to snap her out of this hurtful situationg.

i just need a better job.