monkeypox

just how gracious, patient, and understanding sould one person be?

if she says she has no reason not to go, then that pretty much sums it up right? when exactly did my feelings, hopes, and desires become invalid?

if she doesnt want to be with me, then shouldnt it mean she doesnt get to? but then again thats not what i want. i feel so helpless and pointless. there is absolutely no way for this situation to reslove itself in a way that we can both get what we want, and it is understood that i am just gonna have to suck it up. it just sucks, cuz i keep hoping for the best and i know its just not gonna happen, and there is nothing i can do about it. its so frustrating. i want to make the best of a bad situation, but its hard. i feel so betrayed and insulted at times. and im depressed cuz i know that ive been lucky and ill never get the this lucky again.

knowing that your gonna be loosing a good thing, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it, is probably one of the most excruciating experiences i can think of. at least it seems that way right now.

i keep thinking i just want it to be over - but itll never be over. in time the aching will dull but it will never go away.