monkeybutt

Say

She flies out today
This time I'm ok
This time I'm ok

Sigh
I'm so very high
I'm too young to die
This time I'm ok

Will I ever feel this way again?
I will never feel this way again

She
Looks so out of sight
What's she done tonight
This time I'm alright

-superdrag, pine away.

*yeah, i'm just fine.



***update.

later in the day. from somewhere at the bottom...

FUCKING choices. Is it this hard for everyone? Have you ever left someone on the corner of two streets, gray and cold out and your heart beating slowly and she waves and you blow her a kiss and all the while she has stared into your eyes like shes seeing the only person thats ever really noticed her? FUCK this is the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life. I am glad I made the choice to see her once more this morning. We both thought it was perfect and somewhere deep in my cynical bones I heard a voice that said How Very Hollywood of you, sir, way to keep with the times and pretend your life is only a script. You even had good music cues.

And her coat. And her shirt. How she dressed. How she looked at me with her amazing eyes, seeing everything that my head tries to hide from my heart, and all the while everyone else telling me that its not the right thing. How do they know the right thing? Have they ever done anything dangerous and crazy? Have they ever given it all up because it felt right?

I can't handle this shit. Im about to jump out of my skin. And now shes on an airplane flying 2000 fucking miles across the country to be in a place she doesnt want to be, and Im here in a place I dont want to be. Because Im not happy with the way things are. And I know its not all because of me. Ive made some good choices. I need passion. I need laughter and silliness and girls who wear t-shirts that say Monkeys Learn After Twice. Even if they like raisins in their pancakes. Its a small price to pay.

And still my blood beats slowly through my veins. And my brain is on fucking overdrive.