monkeybutt

i've felt my entire life that i've been pretty well protected from death, except for when i tried to bring it on myself. my grandfather died when i was 15 of lung cancer. although i had been close with him as a child, i hadn't spoken to him for many years and never saw him after i turned 10. he's the closest relative i've ever had die. i've come to feel like i'm due for death in my close family.

my good friend today told me that his father was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. the doctors are not sure if it's metastasized or how long he has left to live. right now everything is unsure.

my friend's name is chris. please wish him love however you can.

*** Jan. 15, about 11 pm.

I'm listening to 10,000 Maniacs and almost crying. YOU PEOPLE ARE THE BEST. THANK YOU FOR THE GOOD WISHES.

'My, how you've grown.'
I remember that phrase from my childhood days too.
'Just wait and see.'
I remember those words and how they chided me,
when patient was the hardest thing to be.
Because we can't make up for the time that we've lost,
I must let these memories provide.
No little girl can stop her world to wait for me.
I should have known.
At your age, in a string of days
the year is gone.
But in that space of time,
it takes so long.

Because we can't make up for the time
that we've lost,
I must let those memories provide.
No little girl can stop her world to wait for me.
Every time we say goodbye
you're frozen in my mind
as the child that you never will be,
you never will be again.
I'll never be more to you
than a stranger could be.
Every time we say goodbye
you're frozen in my mind as a child that
you never will be...will be again.