this is not what I came here for, I think to myself, after I pull out of her and she is wiping me off. this is not what I came here for. tap out the syllables of the phrase on the fingers of one hand. this is not what I came here for, eight syllables...thumb and pinky together, this, index, ring and middle, is not what, and it closes a circle of sorts, then back to the next four syllables, I came here for, thumb and pinky, I, index, ring and middle, came here for, and the circle closes again. do it over and over and I dont have to think about what Ive just done and after Ive got my zipper closed, and I smile at her and kiss her passionlessly while her tongue swabs my lips like she wants more, I walk out her front door, tapping my fingers together to the eight syllables that close the circle of my hand: this is not what I came here for.