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moniker42

The verdant, rolling, milk and honeyed hills and forests of Wisconsin.

Member Since 2003

Followers 13 Following 87

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Monday Apr 17, 2006

Apr 17, 2006
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My hatred levels are up a little high today.

BOOM!

My hatred levels are fucking rampant today, actually.

Something relaxing must be done.

It must!

Human beings are so ridiculous.

I never wanted to be one of them.

(Edited to say that that movie powder is really good, it just came on TV after I wrote this entry. Probably the perfect imagery for what kind of mood I am in.)

(Edited further to say that I still have that tight little ball in the depths of my stomach running all the way up my chest. You know what I'm talking about? You can't really breathe and you get a little light headed? Its not a good day for that. Bright outside, sunshiny, green grass and birds chirping. So why do I feel so shitty? I don't know. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. It comes in fits and starts. Most of the time I'm light as a feather, tabula raza, happy as a clam. So why do I feel so shitty today? Do you ever feel like only God can judge you? When actual bad things happen to me or to those I love, I can totally handle it, I'm a rock. It's shit like this, just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Must be chemical. I am not taking that shit though. Coffee didn't help, made me even crazier so now I'm drinking wine. Stopped watching TV. Listening to teaching company lectures. 'Famous Romans'. I just don't get it; I'm fucking fine most of the time.

I have the weirdest dreams sometimes. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Maybe you would. I dunno what you would believe or think anymore. I don't really care. Why do I chain smoke when I have cigarettes but now I don't even need one? Why don't I want to get dressed? Why don't I want to call either of those girls? UGH. Emo fucking screamo over here. Better not read the news. That is an executive decision I have just made. I will not read the news. I feel like a fucking 16 year old. There isn't anyone around. Tight little pain in your stomach and chest. In MY stomach and chest.

Too much information, everywhere. I'm not even talking about myself. TV, books, the computer, people have opinions, endless opinions, endless ideas, endless bullshit. The radio. I havent done my news show in a few weeks. I was homeless all last week. No where to go. That kind of freedom makes me go a big rubbery one. I don't need anything. NOW of course it's back to the real world.

Why do we live in a society of laws? Isn't that what Jesus taught? That bureaucracy (Pontius Pilate) and money (the table, man, the table) are the evils of this world?

It's a pretty simple story, I think. Pretty easy truths to find if you know how to look at it. It's all this literal truth that fucks people up. You don't take 'hop on pop' seriously, so why the bible? Think for yourself.

It's not about whats right and wrong anymore, it's about whats legal and illegal.

And don't hand me that 'there is no right and wrong'

Because you know fucking well what is right and wrong.

Stealing is still wrong, even if having material possessions is also wrong.

It's having more than one, conflicting, idea in your head at the same time and recognizing they are both right that is the mark of sanity.

So does that make me the only sane dude on the fucking earth?

YES John Lennon DID contradicts himself. So did Christ. I'm not comparing the two except in that way.

But that's okay! You are fucking permitted to think for yourself and contradict yourself.

Laws are not human. Humans are human. You slap laws on everything and enforce them out of the barrel of a gun and that's not human either.

So accept your humanity. You don't want it, do you?

You don't want all this war and this system of laws and the utter systemization of thought?

eye dunt evan hafe to speel correktly and u steel no wat eye m meening

was that so hard? But NOOO YOU have to get all dogmatic about everything as if systems were more important than people.

money is not important and life is important and human beings are important and I want that, I want to know all the shit about you all that shit man, all that shit that you DON'T talk about, that's the shit I want, you know, what frightened you as a child, what are your grandparents like, where did you hide?

What do you think of butterflies?

Why do you have to think about butterflies, anyway?

I am thinking about butterflies!

)

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