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moneypenny007

The Twilight Zone

Member Since 2011

Followers 572 Following 746

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Tuesday May 03, 2011

May 3, 2011
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Okay so my 3 month subscription is almost up and I think it's about time I throw myself into this. I am intensly shy in person so I was hoping I could use the safety net of cyberspace (if that makes any sense at all :-P) to open up and be me on here. So far no luck. But I find it increasingly hard to feel like me in my daily life so I need an outlet somewhere.
I am not a terribly happy person, I try but I suck at it. After years of trying to work up the courage I finally started seeing a shrink, I am hoping it helps. I don't like to be this moody, sad, negative person but I can't shake it and I can't hold it in. I feel like I can't keep any friends close because I am too much of a mess no one knows what to do with me. I've tried to just pretend I am this happy person without any of this craziness but it always comes out, and people drift away.
I am desperately trying to find my place in this world, trying to figure out who the hell I am but I feel stuck in a tiny town that I don't relate to. I keep hoping someday I'll find a place where I feel okay to be me. Where there are people that are okay with who I am and actually want to be around me.
Well that's my mental dump for now.
tata.

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