monet

It still hurts. So bad. It's all I think about, but I've been doing my best to keep it out of work. Except, it's kind of hard because they're always asking me how I'm doing, and taking me out.

I went to a strip club last week with my assistant manager. It was fun.

I told myself I'd be strong, and that I wouldn't resort to any self destructive behaviors.

Then, I remembered Kansas City. We were in our hotel. He lifted my arm, ran his finger over the scars and kissed them. "You don't have to do this anymore, you have me now." Though it had been a year that we were together, it was the first time I actually felt that I could let it go. In my head I thought, "he's right, I do have him now, I don't need this anymore."

That's changed now. I tried so hard to be strong enough these 2 weeks, but to no avail.

There is one thing that came out of this break up that I am happy about. No seriously, and I'm not being sarcastic. I've lost a bit of weight and for the first time ever, I'm 99 lbs. It's the best feeling, especially as I am such a small person (59'').

But, a new year is about to begin. I feel many changes approaching. I'm thinking of moving to Chicago for school next year. It's just a thought for now.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, or whatever you celebrate. I finally got a digital camera for christmas from my big sister. Now, I can post pictures!

Thanks for the support everyone.