monet

I had a busy day today. At work that is...
Only thing is that my mind was totally somewhere else. I was really emotional too, extremely self conscious. I hate those days when you feel so ugly, that you just want to run and hide...well maybe you don't have those days. I do. But it was more than looks involved, I just felt really low.

I tried to dress really cute today too, sometimes that helps. But it didn't, because somehow I managed to criticize myself from head to toe. It doesn't help either when everyone else around you becomes suddenly plagued with larger problems....then you just end up feeling really small, and like there's no one to talk to.

My coworker was crying her eyes out on the phone to someone tonight. I felt so bad for her....then my friend had something bad happen to her at work today...So i couldn't really talk to anyone about how I felt.

My best friend visited me today, she had just come from a long drive for her job about an hour and a half away, so she was really tired. Again, I couldn't turn to her either. Oh well. Sometimes I just feel better if i keep my mouth shut anyways. Then I'm not bothering anyone.

So instead, today, I just focused on everyone else, and tried to make them feel better....but i guess it will come back to me, which is a good thing.

Once I sleep tonight, I'm sure it will be ok in the morning. I just wish I weren't so self- destructive.....but aren't all girls, in some way?